I had quite a long post written up about fairness and unfairness, but it was a bit too unpolished, and I didn't want to offend anyone about the issue. I'll post it soon, with the disclaimer that it is unfinished thoughts...a working idea, so to speak. I'll leave you with a question, though, as I'm curious as to what you think of the idea.
Do you think the idea of fairness should be a part of our vocabulary? That is, is it helpful to view our experiences (or lives) as "unfair"?
If you choose to answer, just be respectful of others and their views. I'll moderate with that in mind! :)
Thanks in advance for your input.
7 comments:
Hey Chadney!
Thanks for all your posts. I really enjoy them...
My 2 cents on fairness:
When I was at the Nashville Songwriters Association in Nash, Tenn, I heard numerous speakers echo this same sentiment. They joked about it, but said it was true. The world isn't fair, and in the music industry, it's even more unfair. The speakers all said something to the effect of - "Nashville doesn't owe you anything. Famous songwriters don't know you, and therefore don't really want to co-write with you." They were quite harsh statements for me to hear, but they were all very true. While I could have left depressed, it was almost freeing.
Now I'm thinking of it this way: There are no expectations that I'm going to get something because of who I am, or because of my skill set, or because I'm a nice person. It's freeing in that I can swing for the fences and not feel bad that I don't hit a homer on my first attempt. It's also freeing because I don't feel at all slighted when my song doesn't get signed to a publishing deal right away. It's like I'm flying under the radar until something great happens for me.
In my past I've always felt a sense of fairness, and have tried to either extend fairness, or play by the rules of fairness. In closely knit/tied communities, fairness can work and play a vital role in the health of all individuals, but as we move out into the world, we find that there are different set of "rules" for fairness.
Don't get me wrong - I don't like seeing people treated unfairly, and I can't stand horrible things happening to people. I guess it comes down to perspective for me. I live in countries (Can and USA) where I'm pretty free to do anything (within reason). All I need to do is look across the pond (Africa, Haiti, etc), and I realize I am probably being treated VERY fairly.
Am I upset with traffic on a day to day basis? Yep. Should it be on the fairness scale? Probably not. Am I frustrated that the US economy stinks and it's hard to find a job here? Yes. Fair? I don't think it's a question of fairness...
Anyways, I guess I'm just rambling now, but for me it comes down to perspective.
Keep on posting man, great reads!!
-Ry Sorestad
Whew! That's a tough question.
I'd like to say that it can be helpful and motivating to work harder if the other person was chosen over you. But I'm afraid that more often it is discouraging. How about the fairness of Angie's knee problems after training so much and in a way designed to minimize injury? There may or may not be anything that can be done to get her back at it in time for the race. If nothing can be done I would call that unfair, but what can be done about it? It's just the way her body is made. Working harder may make it worse? I would call that discouraging. I don't know if whining about fairness is of any benefit in this case. We all have the cards we are dealt and should make the most of them.
Conversely, unfair treatment of a person or group of people is, IMHO, a very necessary place for the awareness of unfairness. If a person is being discriminated against I would like that unfair treatment to be known about so that the treatment can be corrected. In this case I think fairness is very useful. However, in this instance the term injustice may be better suited.
My final thought, with respect to your specific question, Jason, is that fairness or unfairness is not terribly useful for us on a personal level unless it is unfairness caused by another person or organization.
I think that fairness is a relative term. What's fair to me, is not necessarliy fair for another. For example, one child may be given more freedom with responsibility than another, based on the history of each child's decision making abilities. If we view our lives as being either fair or unfair we are setting ourselves up for taking things that don't go our way too personally. Is it fair a person is more qualified for a job than the person who recieved it? No. But it is a better attitude to take it in stride instead of dwelling on the "it's not fair" way of life.
Also, fairness implies a sense of deserving, which is a whole other can of worms.
Not sure if this is the angle you're thinking of but I thought about this the other day. As you know old friend, Amy has colon cancer and started chemo today. I've had so many people tell me that it doesn't seem fair. Amy is way too young to have this cancer. We have three young kids. Lots of reasons. What I came to the other day was something like this.
That whole statement (it isn't fair that Amy has this) seems to be based on the idea that God gives out live circumstances based on how well we've lived. That sounds a lot like karma really. What goes around comes around. Get what you put in and all that. Makes it seem like people think we should get a better shake because we're so great. But I find that I can't think that and believe the gospel at the same time. I read his little book by CJ Mahaney a couple years ago where he talked about his answer when people ask him how he is doing. His answer is 'better than I deserve'. Obviously gets him strange looks and questions and he gets to explain it. Even if I've lived well I still have one up on God where he owes me or ought to give me a comfortable life. The offensive and devasting truth of the message of Jesus is that we need Him to save us precisely because we don't deserve good things from God.
So is life fair? Is all this ugly stuff that my little family is facing fair? Not at all. And I'm glad because it's actually better than what I deserve.
Tyler you don't know me but in my opinion your little family deserves better than that..
I know putting it in terms like this sounds harsh. As though I am putting my family down. But it is also very freeing. If God doesn't give me life circumstances based on my life it also means that I can't draw a straight line between my troubles and the choices I've made. It's not that I look at this and say 'I must have done something awful to deserve this'. The point is that it isn't about karma. We don't get exactly what we deserve based on what we've done. That keeps from stomping my foot and telling God He really owes me more but also keeps me from taking the ugly things in my life and assuming I've done something directly proportionate to bring this on me. Fair (meanig getting what we deserve) is a poor category for life because there is something greater at work than karma. The universe is not a closed system containing merely the output of humanity.
I would love to hear what you have to say Jason. Please post your thoughts when you feel they are ready. I had a friend tell me in my early 20's after a long vent about all that was going wrong in my life that "As we get older we start to see that life isn't about being fair. The sooner we see that the sooner we can let go of hurt feelings, resentment and spend our energy on things that have eternal value. " He said something like that. Although my views are maybe a little more complex that that now I appreciate that He told me that eve though it wasn't what I wanted to hear. Since then I have been challenge to view life in other ways that are more beneficial. Thankfulness, a forgiving spirit and an eternal perspective of what we have in Christ.
So please post. I love your writing.
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