Day 170

Sort of a cheat day, sorry. I must have fallen asleep at the computer, thought I wrote something, and shut it down without writing the day. That's the second time that happened. Anyway, I'll catch up later today with something more substantial. Yesterday was a good day, with family and a photo shoot and all that. Eventually I'll post a couple photos, but not for a bit. Anyway, take care! Thanks for reading.

Day 169

I don't have much to say at the moment. It was a good day. It's late, and I'm chatting with my brother and sister-in-law. They just got in. This weekend a lot of my family is coming in for my grandma's memorial. It'll be good to see everyone.

Thanks for reading. Take care.

Jason

Day 168

Here are two more from the grad shoot I did this past week. Let me know what you think. Comments and suggestions welcome!

Day 167

It was a good Sunday. Church, lunch, cuddle with my wife (I'm a firm believer that cuddling/snuggling with your spouse/partner is a relationship builder), nap, visit with the inlaws, and now I'm going to do some more editing.

My wife and I were praying for a friend and his mom tonight. After praying for them, I prayed that we would have twins. That's what I hope and pray for when we start trying again. I want twins. I asked Jenn if she wanted me to stop hoping/praying for twins. She said no, she doesn't mind if I do that. I'm going to hope and pray my face off for twins now. If you could do the same, that would be pretty cool. Let's see what happens. :)

Well, I think I'll leave it at that. Thanks so much for reading. Take care.

Day 166

I'm sleepy, so I'm heading to bed. Today was a fairly busy day, but it was a good busy. It was busy with mostly things I enjoy doing.

I don't have anything to share, sorry. I haven't had significant thoughts to share in a while, I know. Eventually, maybe.

Thanks for reading anyway. Take care!

Day 165

As I mentioned before, I was called the other day to do a last minute grad photo shoot. I think I also mentioned that the young lady that I photographed was a delight to work with. This is one of my favorites from the short 30 minute session. The photograph also encapsulates the whole session...a playful, breezy, joyful time.

I hope you enjoy the photo.

Day 164

A friend of mine called me this afternoon asking me to do a grad photo shoot last minute. I was so excited that she thought of me. The photo shoot went really well, especially considering I had no prep time and only about 30 minutes for the shoot. Very fortunately for me, the graduate was extremely comfortable and very playful in front of the camera. As I said already, she did most of the work for me. I'll probably post a couple of photos on the blog after I give them to her. It was super fun, and now I'm having a blast going through and editing.

That's about it for now I suppose.

Thanks for stopping by and reading. Take care.

Day 163

I finally got my bridge in today at the dentist. It looks good, and feels good so far. Now i get a break from the dentist for a while. I actually don't mind it anymore. I'd go back tomorrow if I needed to.

I don't think I'll ramble at all tonight. I'll keep it really short.

I hope all of you are doing well these days. I've had a few rough days in a row here, but I know I can work my way out of it. I think a big part of it is dissatisfaction with a couple things in my life. Things I am working on, but have a ways to go. I think we all need to work on not being so hard on ourselves.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Take care.

Day 162

About a year ago, I bought a flip recorder with the intention of doing a semi-regular vlog. For some reason, I never really did. I think I felt a bit silly doing it. Now I just don't really care if people think it's silly. they don't really have to watch it if they don't want to. Anyway, I know I've posted a couple of videos already, but that was on a different channel. This week I started a new channel dedicated to vlogging. I don't know if a theme will surface, but so far it's just going to be for fun. I hope you enjoy. I've only done a couple videos so far. If you want, you can also subscribe to this channel on youtube, if you have an account.

Thanks so much for stopping by. Take care!

Day 161

Today was a strange day, but we're through it now.

I'm trying to get to bed earlier than last night, so I'm going to keep this short.

I rode my bike this evening, which was good. My wife and I went for ice cream with friends, and on the way back home, the clouds were lit up really beautifully by the setting sun. I said, "I'm going to bike to the bridge to take pictures". I did, but it darkened a bit too much by the time I got to the bridge. I did take some video of my adventure (hardly an adventure). I hope to get it up tomorrow.

I think maybe I'll leave it at that for tonight. Sorry so short and slightly uninteresting.

Thanks so much for reading. Take care.

Day 160 - Of fathers and fatherhood

Father's day has come and went.

My dad is great. I've never doubted his commitment to us kids. He has worked close to 40 years with the same company, most of those years in order to financially support the family (with the help of mom). He gave up drinking for his kids and wife. He is funny. He is committed to his wife, my mother. He has opinions and isn't afraid to share them. He values time with his family. He's a good driver. His presence has been a comfort in my life (still is). He has a lot of practical knowledge. The list goes on. I don't know what else to say, other than I love that man, and I'm glad my parents had us when they were young, so we still have loooots of good years left.

I hope I can be a good father like you are.

Take care.

Day 159

Rainy Saturday. I was supposed to do a photo shoot today just after dinner, but we ended up cancelling because of the almost gauranteed presence of rain this evening.

I got paid for my work yesterday. It felt good. I am now a paid photographer! Ha! Good stuff.

This week I will start focusing my efforts on a different kind of project, which I'm both excited and apprehensive about. I'll share more about that later.

I continue to get messages over email or fb from people who want to encourage me or share their own story about depression and/or anxiety. Thanks so much to those who have done so, and thanks to those who continue to check in to this blog and read. I know that there are lots who read that don't want to comment. That's totally fine. I don't know what to say half the time on others blogs either.

I think I'll leave it at that for now. Take care!

Day 158 Part 2 - Vlog on the Blog! (sorry so long!)

Another vlog. I really need to start uploading these things earlier. I had no intentions of going to bed when the birds started chirping. Yeesh. This video is of a few things I did during the day, then some thoughts about stuff. I hope it's somewhat bearable. Sorry about the length. It footage adds up quickly.

Thanks for reading and watching! Take care.

Day 158

I've been thinking about my weight forever. It's always something I've been a bit sensitive about. The older I get, the more I feel how my weight impacts my life. I realize it. I don't need to be told I'm fat. I don't need to be told I should do something about it. I know I do. Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about more and more over the last month or two. Maybe longer, actually.

I'm going to start by basically stopping liquid calories. I'm a sucker for liquid calories. I love juices, iced tea, beer, etc. I am not going to stop drinking beer...but I'll only drink it every so often (like usual...don't worry, no drinking problem here). So, the liquid calories are the first to go. I'm also going to get out and bike this summer. I don't like running, walking is bearable, but I don't like speed walking. Speed walking seems like one of the lamest things ever. It looks more like a booty shaking contest gone wrong.

So there. It's fairly non-committal, but I'm starting by not drinking so much damn sugar and all that. Also, some biking. I'll let you know how it goes. This isn't going to be a weight loss blog...don't worry. It'll give me more to write about, though!

Okay, I'll leave it at that for now. I might write another one today as well. We'll see. I'm trying to record some video for a vlog later, but I'm to bloody shy to do that in public places.

Thanks for reading, my friends. Take care!

Day 157

I finished up another set of photos today for friends of mine. As I said about the other family/baby shoot I did a month ago, it was a learning experience, and it was experience in general. Each shoot I do, I gain valuable knowledge, and my skill will increase because of that. I'm pretty excited about it.

Over the next couple weeks, I have another shoot with a couple, and some other projects. One of my biggest challenges is my own self esteem. I sometimes only pick out the flaws in my photos, and need others to point out the good. I think I should make that a priority...saying at least one good thing about the photos I take. Granted, some photos just don't turn out. That's a reality. But I know that isn't the case for everything I create.

I had my eyes checked today, and measured for contacts, because I'm interested in getting some. Other than my poor vision, everything seems to be good with my eyes. They have changed a bit since the last time. My right eye's strengthened but the astigmatism got worse. Basically, it's the same to look through, but a different type of prescription. I probably messed up that explanation royally. Oh well. I'm excited to try contacts. I hope they work. Also, my Macula is great, and I don't have Cataracts, so that's a bonus.

One of these days, I would really like to do another video (as I mentioned before). However, I would like some ideas to start off with, instead of just rambling. SO, if you have any ideas of what you'd like me to record, let me know. Please, no "a day in the life of". That would be sooo boring.

I think that's it for today. Thanks so much for reading. I still get people telling me that they've been reading, which is good. Take care!

Day 156

I've been watching the news for a few hours now. It's really unbelievable, how people can act when in huge groups. Anyway, that's all I'll say about that.

We've been missing our baby recently. It's been great seeing our friends with their kids, and to get to hold their kids, but it's still difficult at times. We're looking forward to the day we hold our own.

I think I'll leave it at that tonight. Take care.

Day 155

The heat has already been a challenge, to be honest. I will try not to complain very much about the weather, because I know the winters are hard in this province. I'll be longing for warmer weather soon enough.

I've had moments of being tired of doing this blog recently. It's probably when I'm not feeling very inspired, and the material is boring or starts feeling like the same old stuff. I have no plans on quitting, and I know more ideas will come in time. In the mean time, I'll ramble on about my days.

In the next couple of weeks, our summer picks up for a bit, as family is coming down this way. I'm really excited to see people.

Okay I'm just trying to fill space. Thanks for reading today. Sorry!

Take care.

Day 154

I went to the dentist again this afternoon. I'm quite excited, as my bridge is going in during my next appointment in just over a week.

I had a good time hanging out with our friends at a bbq this evening. I always enjoy seeing my friends. I had a huge steak...first one I've had in a while.

Okay, I think I'm just avoiding what I really want to talk about, so I'll just go to bed or something. I'll leave you with a question to think about. You don't have to answer if you don't want to...at least think about it. Don't get me wrong...you're more than welcome to share.

How involved does one have to be in your life in order to ask you difficult, confronting type questions about your life? Can it be anyone? Do they at least have to know you? Friends only? Family only? Long term/close friends? Does rapport play a role?

I guess that was more than a question...but you get the point.

Thanks for reading! Take care.

Day 153

I finished putting together our new bbq this afternoon. We're really pumped, as it's our first new bbq that we bought ourselves. Our last one was a second hand bbq that was maybe 90 dollars brand new. It lasted about one summer. Well, it still worked sort of, but it was in bad shape, and wasn't fun at all to grill on. Anyway, enough about the bbq.

Tomorrow I'm back at the dentists, AGAIN. I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but the last time I went, it was basically a wasted appointment, because the impression they took the time before didn't work right. They had to retake the impression, and it took them 3 tries to get it right. I guess my teeth are difficult. I could tell they were getting a bit frustrated with the impressions, and probably a bit frustrated that they were taking up my time (which wasn't a big deal). Anyway, the extra appointment didn't cost me any extra, which was nice. I actually enjoy the people there. A few months ago, I wouldn't be caught dead saying that I enjoyed going to the dentist.

Don't know what else to tell you, really. I'm hoping to vlog again this coming week...once at least, maybe twice. Maybe I'll take you on a field trip one day, while I do errands or go to a coffee shop or something. Real exciting, I know. :) I just don't want to be the guy who ALWAYS talks about depression, etc. I have really enjoyed being an advocate for mental health improvement (and will continue to do so), but I like doing other things as well. We'll see!

Thanks a bunch for stopping by and reading. Take care!

Day 152

I had a pretty busy day, visiting people till well after midnight. That was good.

We purchased a BBQ this afternoon. I've been very slowly putting it together since 7pm. It's still not finished, because I've been doing things in between assembly. I'll finished it up tomorrow, test it, and hopefully have it working for a bbq tomorrow at some point. I can't wait to bbq all summer. I'm going to try to bbq things that I haven't before. The only question I have is will our new bbq fit on our balcony. I'm sure it will, but there won't be much room left. I don't really care. Apartment balconies aren't really known for their space.

I'm really excited at the idea of doing more vlogs. Thanks to those who have encouraged me through words today (and yesterday).

It's late again, and I need to go to bed. I always get a little taken aback when I start to hear the first birds chirp in the morning at about 3 am. I haven't heard them yet, so I'll race them to bed.

Well, I'll leave it at that. Thanks so much for stopping by and reading. Take care.

Day 151 - Vlog on the Blog!

I decided to try a video blog (vlog) for the first time. I learned a couple things. 1) It takes a long time to upload, so I need to start early. 2) I don't look that great on camera.

Anyway, I hope it works. If it doesn't, I'll try again another day soon. If it works, and people seem to like it, I might try it more often. Take care!

Day 150

Day 150 probably deserves more than what I'm going to write this evening. I've been thinking about lots, but don't have the energy to write about it now. Sorry, but that's it for right now. Hopefully tomorrow I'll give it a better go. Take care, and thanks for reading.

Day 149

It was a decent day overall. I had a good visit with a friend this morning, over coffee and some photo making.

I'm looking forward to this Friday. For the first time in a while my wife and I are going on a planned date with just the two of us. We've been out on spontaneous outings, but not on a planned date for a while now. It's my turn to plan it, which I'm always a little apprehensive about, because I don't think I'm the best planner.

I'm going to bed now. It's late, and I'm tired. I hope I don't get restless brain like last night. I don't think I will.

Thanks for reading. Take care.

Day 148

I went to bed early last night, yet still feel tired and off. I use the word off quite a bit. I think I use that word because I don't know how to describe the actual feeling.

My counselor mentioned how feelings aren't reliable. I know this, but it's good to be reminded, because I can become so focused on how I feel. Depression makes me feel like crap, but it doesn't mean that all hope is lost, or that everything is going wrong. It's just a feeling, and doesn't have to represent the truth. The truth is that I have great friends, an incredible wife, family that loves me and who I love, a place to call home, a reliable car, a church community that I really enjoy, and many other good things going on that I should be/am thankful for. Yet I have days that I feel off. Feelings often lie. My counselor suggested that it was my thought patterns that need to change in order for my feelings to line up. He said it will take time, and even though at first I was inspired by the idea of change, it would be an up and down experience for a while. He also said that the real work begins when the honeymoon is over, and life settles back into an everyday routine...when the inspired feeling (which is unreliable) wears off.

So, I will continue to plug away.

Don't trust a feeling. Positive thought is much better.

Day 147

Today I went to what I think will be my last counseling appointment for a long while. It's good to be finished that.

This afternoon I did some pictures for friends of mine. They are a young family of four. It went pretty good. I have so much to learn, and can see so many ways that I can improve. It's all a learning experience.

I'm not going to make this one long. For once in my life I'm going to try to head to bed early. Till tomorrow. Take care.

Day 146

It was somewhat of a challenging day. I basically slept or wanted to sleep through the day. Thankfully it worked out to see some friends this evening. That helped me feel a little better.

Tomorrow I'm seeing my counselor for what will probably be the last time. Although I have a lot of work to do, I think he's done what he can do.

In the afternoon tomorrow I have a shoot with friends of mine. It should be challenging, but fun. It'll be the two of them, plus their son, who is an energetic boy just over a year old, and their newborn daughter. I'm nervous, but looking forward to it.

I have some other stuff I need to do this week, but I won't bore you with the details. Actually, it's just not something that I like talking about, but need to take steps forward. Sorry for the vague blogging.

That's about it for today. Thanks for reading, again and again. Take care.

Day 145

I started two topics, and erased them both.

I think I'm hitting a bit of a wall, or something like it. I haven't been wanting to blog, despite learning lots about different things, having lots going on in my mind, struggling with certain issues, etc.

One thing I absolutely don't want this blog to become is a venting place for myself. I don't mind venting from time to time, but it gets a bit much for myself, and for those reading. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about honesty, and not pretending everything is awesome. People who talk/blog/update like everything is perfect are fooling themselves. I don't want to do that. I guess what I'm saying is that the things I would talk about lately are a bit complainy. Also, if I ignored the things I am struggling with, I might be lying to myself and to you. This paragraph doesn't make any sense.

Essentially, I'm telling you that things aren't super great, but I can't really complain, either. I am breathing, and I have some good things going for me. I can't/won't ignore the good things I have going for me.

I will tell you that this coming week I need to take some strides in my journey to improve my life. I won't get into details, but it's something I've been struggling with all winter, and it's time to make a change, regardless of how scared I am, or how little self confidence I have. If you're a praying person, pray that I will follow through. If you aren't a praying person, well...do whatever you do. No worries.

I'll finish it with that. Thanks so much for reading. I really appreciate it. Take care.

Day 144

Well, we're back from our little trip. It's good to be home as always, but I'm a bit sad that it's over.

I had a really good time hanging out with my cousins at their house, having great talks and just hanging out. Honest, quality conversation and time together.

When I got home this evening, I started feeling pretty drained and emotional. I think it started because of  "post company/visit blues". I think most of you will understand what I'm talking about.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you what I thought about the U2 concert. It had a big stage, lots of lights, nice huge high def screens, singing, and instrument playing. There, I talked about it.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. My wife offered to clean the house, while I will take the car out to vacuum and clean and wash and all that. For me, this is a sweet deal. After that, we'll hopefully get our bikes working and go for a ride around the neighbourhood. I'm in desperate need of exercise. That's another topic entirely.


I think that's about it for now. After the weekend, I hope to have a productive, positive week. I fell off the positive wagon a bit tonight, and had some pretty negative thoughts about myself and all that. It didn't last long, and my wife was right there to support me and talk me through it. I love her.

Thanks so much for reading. Take care.

Day 143

Yeeeeaaaah, about what I said earlier about talking about the concert and all that. I'll do that later. I've been too busy enjoying the company of my cousins. When I get back home, I'll post some pictures (taken with our point and shoot) and talk about my experience.

I hope you're week is going well. I've really been enjoying our stay with our cousins, B and M. They are phenomenal people, whose presence I enjoy immensely.

It's also been good to see other family, if only briefly this time.

Tomorrow is the trip back home.

It's late again, so I'm heading to bed. Take care.

Day 142

Hey, I'm only getting this out now, because the interest wouldn't work last night.

I'll let you know how the concert was for today's actual post. We're going for breakfast now.

Talk to you later!

Day 141

We made it to Edmonton tonight at about 10:30. It was fun just hanging out chatting and watching silly tv shows with my cousin-in-laws. I wish I lived in the same city as them. They are really good people.

I'm pretty tired, and my brain is a bit mushy from driving (when I finish a trip, my brain is funny everytime), so I think I'll head to bed now. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes, with the concert and all that.

Thanks for reading. Take care.