Day 140

I went to the dentist today. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. I have to go back a couple more times to finish what I thought we'd finish this morning. Woo hoo.

I really don't have much to talk about at the moment, sorry. I'm sure I'll have more to write about during our short trip. I hope I have access to the internet while we're gone, yikes!

Sorry again for the short, pretty much pointless post tonight. As I've mentioned before, I have been fairly introspective lately. I just don't really know what/how to share.

Thanks for stopping by. Take care.

Day 139

I've been quite introspective lately, which has been a fairly good experience. I need to take more time to be alone with my thoughts in a quiet place. The temptation is to drown it out with mind numbing television or by going out to somewhere with people or with noise.


Tomorrow I go back to the dentist. I'm actually looking forward to going, as I get the final stage of a big repair done. After this one, I think I'll be done for a while, as the ol' insurance only covers so much per year. I'm not going to lie, I might miss going in a way, because I knew things were getting fixed. They were super friendly and helpful there. No longer afraid of the dentist. I still don't like the feeling of some of the work, but that's not their fault. Anyway, 2 hours on the fun seat (or torture chair, depending on who you are, ;) ), and I'll be done for a while.

Tomorrow afternoon I get to spend some time with a friend who I've been enjoying getting to know and spend time with. He's a photographer who I've been learning a lot from. We're heading to the camera shop and might be going out shooting, or having a coffee, depending on the weather. I'm looking forward to either.

This week we're heading to Edmonton for a U2 concert. I'm not going to pretend like I'm excited. I've never follow U2, ever. I've never purchase (or pirated) any of their songs or albums. The tickets were gifts, and we're going because it's sort of a family thing. I don't like how U2 fans react like I killed a kitten when I say I'm not a huge fan, or that I'm not excited for the concert. I was told today "Oh you'll be a fan after the concert". I reply, "If it's a concert put on by U2, and it's their music, I can't say that I will be. Sorry!" I respect what they've done musically, and can respect a band even if I'm not a huge fan. But I'm more in it for the road trip and to see family. So leave me alone! :)

I think I'll leave it at that. Don't be upset with me, U2 fans. It's not like I hate them or anything. They have one or two okay songs. ;)


Thanks so much for reading. Take care!

ps, if you have a google account, feel free to "follow" me. Link is on the right hand side a little ways down. Later!

Day 138

I have to be up early, so I'll just keep it very short tonight.

My parents came up for the day, which was fun. We tried checking out the little park by innovation place, but a wedding party was being photographed, and guests were starting to show up. We left pretty quickly when a couple of people kept looking at us like we were ruining everything (nothing was going on, and we weren't in the way of anything). Anyway, we didn't want to cause grief for anyone, so we left.

I'm really excited about doing photos for people in the next few weeks/month or so. It will be a great learning experience for me.

Sorry, I don't have anything else. I am hoping to get inspired one of these days. I suppose that's what happens with an everyday blog. Not every one is going to be a gem, is it? I hope your day went well (or if you read this in the morning, I hope it goes well). Thanks so much for reading. Take care.

Day 137

Hey everyone. Before I type anything else, let me know if there's anything you'd like me to write about/comment on in future blogs. I realize that I haven't said my bit on fairness/unfairness from a few posts ago, but it's honestly because I'm a bit lost for words about it. Everyone who commented had me thinking and wondering what to say, because a lot had been said already. Anyway, I'm still planning on saying a couple of words, but smarter people than me already did! :) Anyway, like I said, let me know if there's anything you'd like me to talk about.

Next week we head out for a few days to check out a concert and spend some time with cousins (my wife's cousins, to be technical). It'll be great to see them.

I don't know about you, but I'm really appreciating the green landscape outside these days. I went out with a friend and my dad the other day (my dad had to come in to the city for work, and had some waiting time) on a photo excursion. Even though none of my photos jumped out at me, it was a learning experience. I think I'm going back tomorrow to the same place.

I think that's all I have for now. Hey, I didn't always promise interesting!

Take care!

Day 136

It was a bit of an "off" day for me today. It probably had quite a bit to do with the short sleeps I've had the last couple of nights.

I don't have a lot to say today. It'll probably come out complainy or whiny or something, so I'll spare you from that.

I have to wash some dishes before bed, and maybe fold some clothing. That's right, I do that.

Thanks for reading. Take care.

Day 135

Sometimes I feel a bit silly, trying to enter very over-saturated photography market. As you probably know, it seems like everyone has a facebook page of their photography "business". I don't necessarily have a problem with facebook pages. It's where everyone is. I've just noticed how many of them there are. It's the digital dslr age, plus the increasingly affordable selection of half decent cameras.

It's probably the lack of self-confidence talking, but I don't want to be seen as just another person with a camera just out of box trying to be a "photographer". I probably shouldn't even care. It's why I've been taking things slowly, though. I'm far from pro, and have far from pro skills. I do think I have something to offer, though...beyond a great camera. I'll go from there.

Not sure why I've been feeling silly about it. Actually, I probably do. It's probably because I've had cynical thoughts about how many people have a photography page (I don't yet, but most likely eventually will).

I don't want you to misread me. Just to be clear, I think there are many talented photographers on facebook and elsewhere who I admire and look up to. It's an obvious place to advertise.

This probably didn't make much sense...or if it did, it was most likely boring for you. It's just been on my mind a lot. I love making photos. It's a dream of mine to do it as a job. I have fears about it, but I think it's time to start pursuing that dream...even if it's slowly.

In the mean time, I have other things to do and work on.

Thanks for reading. Take care, and have a good rest of your week. Talk to you tomorrow!

Day 134

Sometimes I start writing something, then erase, then start something new. Sometimes I just stare at the screen, hoping for something to come to mind. Sometimes I can't wait to share something with you. Sometimes I want to share stuff, but don't think it's the right time, or appropriate. That's when I just tell you about my day. That's a little insight into how I decide my topics. Disappointing, I know. Sorry.

I need to thank everyone who has approached me about doing photos for them. It has been an encouragement for me. I'm excited, yet nervous about the new opportunities. I'm also excited about the idea that this could go somewhere. I don't know where, but somewhere.

Speaking of photography, I'll leave you with a shot from when my dad and I spend a few hours together at The Man Show at Sask Place. If you can guess what kind of bike the photo is of, I'll give you a virtual pat on the back. Thanks for reading! Take care!

Day 133

We're back home now and tomorrow things start to go back to "normal". I love seeing friends and family, but usually I go through a post visiting low. I haven't really experienced that yet, but I think it's because my brother's family is staying in the city tonight with us. Tomorrow afternoon after they've left might be a different story. We'll see. I don't get to see them enough. Thankfully they're coming back later this summer.

I like hearing about other people's summer plans, even if it's just to stick around and tend garden or enjoy the local scene. I'm not sure if our plans will work out or not, but we're thinking of heading out to B.C. at some point, to visit some friends and for a family reunion. Do you have plans?

Yeah so it was a good weekend over all. I get a bit sick just thinking about those youth getting plastered and putting their lives in danger. It seems like every year we're hearing about a death or two after the May long weekend. Senseless, really. Hopefully nobody got hurt this weekend.

I think I'll leave it at that for now. Thanks so much for reading again. I have really appreciated people telling me that they read everyday, or stop by once and a while to see what's up, or whatever. It encourages me to know people enjoy what I do here for the most part. I know it's not always the most interesting read, but it's really something I enjoy, and would like to spend more time on. Too bad it can't be a part time job! :)

Ok, I'm out. Take care, everyone.

Day 132 - Friends and family

 Above: My auntie's parter's youngest daughter. Below: My sister-in-law. No names will be given.

 Above: My auntie's parter's oldest daughter. Below: My super cute niece.

 Above: My auntie's partner. Below: My dad.

 Above: One of my nephews (My sister's youngest son). Below: My beautiful wife.

 Above: My brother. Below: One of my first cousins, who is a little camera shy.

 Above: One of my aunties. Below, my cool sister.

Above: My mom!

For those of you who read this and were there today, forgive me if your photo isn't on here. I didn't have time to get to them all...it's already late, and I'm running out of steam.

Most of this photo shoot was done with me sitting on the same chair, having people sit on a stool in front of me. I kept saying I was too lazy to move around (as a joke). Someone suggested that my business name should be The Lazy Photographer. It has an interesting ring to it, but I wonder if anyone would bother calling if they saw that name in the phone book. Maybe out of curiosity they might call. :) Needless to say, that probably won't be my business name.

I didn't really worry about the back ground of the photos. They aren't super unique in regards to poses. I just felt like taking head shots of people. It was pretty fun. Some turned out better than others, but that would have been my fault, not the subject's.

It has been a good weekend so far. Today my dad took my sister, brother and me out to a small town for my great uncle's memorial. It was a light hearted celebration of my uncle's life. One that very much brought honour to him. It was good. One amazing fact: when he was 8 years old, he watched over the family's heard of cattle to make sure they didn't wander off while grazing, and lead them back home at night. All day he would do that, when he was 8 years old. Think about any 8 year olds you know, and put them in that scenario. Yeesh. It's a much different world in Canada now.

PS, in the picture of my mom, if you're a photographer type, could you tell me why her left eye (our right side) looks much greener, even around the eye as well? I thought maybe her photogray lenses were messing around with my camera, but I'm not sure. I can't think of what else it could be.

I hope your long weekend was great. If you're photo is on in this post, and you decide you don't want your face on here, let me know! Thanks so much for checking me out! Take care!

Day 131

Nothing much to report today. In the morning (Sunday morning) my dad and my siblings are driving to a memorial for my dad's great uncle.

I think that's it, sorry. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes, and hopefully have some photos to go along with it. I hope your long weekend is going well. Thanks for stopping by. Take care.

Day 130

If you're interested in listening to passionately performed spoken word song, click the link below. Dan Smith from Listener is a great poet and delivers with a lot of heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SXe4UXYrkI&feature=related

Today was a good day. We're visiting family for the weekend, which is fun. I'm hoping we get out for a photo walk at some point, and I'll post some photos from the weekend.

That's all I have tonight, sorry. I hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend. Thanks for reading. Take care.

Day 129

I was thinking tonight about day 365 and what's going to happen between now and then. It seems like a long way off. I know it'll be here and gone soon, and I'll wonder what happened to the year.

I don't have much for today. I do, however, want to thank you again for reading this. At times I really don't know if it's worth it, but then someone I see mentions that they read and like it, or they like my writing, or whatever. I wasn't sure why I committed to a year at first, and I had no idea what it was going to become. I still don't, really. I keep on telling myself that I want it to be a safe place, a community where people can come and read and comment and share whatever without being afraid of feeling or sounding dumb. I don't know if it becoming that, but we'll see what happens in time.

I know that there are a few big things I'd like to happen by day 365, but I know making life plans is laughable down the road. Sure, they make work out for some, but often things fall off the rail (at least the rail you pictured) and life takes a different path entirely. Yeah it's stressful, but it can be totally exciting as well.

Okay, have a great great night (or day when you read it).

Also, have a good May long weekend. Please stay safe. Don't drink and drive.

I'm excited because I get to see some family this weekend, and hopefully make some good photographs.

Thanks for reading. Take care.

Day 128

I'm not going to talk about yesterday's post at the moment. I know it seems funny to ask a question, expect others to share on it, then not weigh in myself. To tell you the truth, I am still mulling over what was said. I think the variety and depth of the answers that were given exceeded my expectations (although, I'm not so sure I had expectations). Thank you so much to those who shared, and also to those who are reading and thinking about what is being said. I don't know why, but I was somehow surprised that the conversation turned as spiritual as it did. I shouldn't be, though, considering that a huge percentage of my community, past and present, has a strong spiritual/theological background. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't disappointed...just for some reason surprised. I love hearing other people's thoughts, regardless of the background informing them.

Okay, so I want to take the time to plug something that my church is backing this summer, called Run143. It's a "run" (or walk, bike, etc.) that was started last summer with the purpose of spreading awareness and raising money for adoption and adoption issues. Each year, a family is picked to support. Every person involved in the run raises support, and the money goes toward financially supporting the chosen couple in their adoption process. Well, some of the money goes toward supporting a baby home in South Africa as well, I'm pretty sure. Please someone correct me if I'm wrong. I think it's the same baby home that my friends (also my pastor and his lovely wife) adopted their child from this past year. Sorry I'm short on the details.

The run I believe lasts over three days, and stretches from North Battleford and Saskatoon. Roughly 143 kms for the roughly 143 million orphans globally. The link to the website is below. More information will be on that. It's a very worthy cause. If you're interested in running or supporting, check out the website.

www.run143.com

On a different note, I'm waiting on a call for a potential job. It would be great for me, and would probably give me tons of connections in my journey to become a better (and paid) photographer. I think it would also be a great job to have when I return to school in the fall part time in the evenings. So, if you're a praying person, pray that the phone call comes my way.

I think I'll leave it at that for now. If you haven't checked out the conversation going on in the Day 127 comments, do it. If nothing else, it'll get you thinking, whether you agree with it all or not.

Thanks for much for reading. Take care.

Day 127 - Question for you all

I had quite a long post written up about fairness and unfairness, but it was a bit too unpolished, and I didn't want to offend anyone about the issue. I'll post it soon, with the disclaimer that it is unfinished thoughts...a working idea, so to speak. I'll leave you with a question, though, as I'm curious as to what you think of the idea.


Do you think the idea of fairness should be a part of our vocabulary? That is, is it helpful to view our experiences (or lives) as "unfair"?

If you choose to answer, just be respectful of others and their views. I'll moderate with that in mind! :)

Thanks in advance for your input.

Day 126 - New mom and dad

A dad's strong embrace

Mom enjoying her baby's yawn.

Here are a couple more photos from the baby shoot I did a little while ago. I really enjoyed it, but as I mentioned in a previous post, after I was finished and driving away, I thought of many other ideas I could have tried. Next time.

I'm going to put myself out there again, just in case someone needs an affordable alternative to a professional photographer. I don't want to make it awkward for my readers by doing this. I will eventually start a website when I get enough of a portfolio together, and I figure out what kind of website I need. That way I won't have to push my product on you when all you're wanting to do is read about what's going on, or any thoughts I have, etc. Honestly, it's not what I want to use this blog for. It's basically the only means I have at the moment. Bear with me!

I think I'll leave it at that for now. Thanks for reading. Take care.

Day 125

Our friends had their baby last night. It was a girl. My wife and I went and held her for a bit this afternoon, which was great. She was beautiful, as are all babies. Truly babies seem like one of God's greatest blessings...at least when they are laying their peacefully sleeping and making super cute funny faces.

That's it for today. I know, another short post. Sorry about that.

I have thoughts about my blog I've been thinking about today, but I'll share that later...maybe Monday or Tuesday.

Thanks for stopping by. Take care.

Day 124

Another day down. It was a pretty full day, and overall a good day.

This morning we slowly got ready and made our way to a "garage" sale put on by the Crisis Nursery here in the city. People donated tons of stuff, and all the money made went toward the Nursery. While we were outside having a snack, a couple showed up and had two wooden rocking chairs. We picked them up right away, and gave one of them away to friends of ours. I've always wanted a wooden rocking chair. It's really nice, and it'll be great for when we have a baby.

My dad surprised me and came into the city today. We went to the Man Show. It wasn't what either of us expected. It was basically campers, hot tubs, and vehicles. No tools or electronics or anything. Well, now we know for next time that it's not worth it. I should say, it was worth it for me, because I got to hang out with my dad, which I don't get to do often enough.

After that my wife and I went to a 1st year birthday party for our friends boy, O. It was good to see people, and to watch him open presents. He was pretty involved and seemed to have a good time. Man was the sun hot today. We were there for about 2 hours, and by the end, I was starting to feel a bit off, so we went home and I fell asleep like an old man for about an hour. It felt good, though.

Tonight we went and played Monopoly with friends of ours. It was a really good time, and I learned how competitive my wife really is. Even on the drive home, she was talking about what could have been different for her to win! I love her so much. Marriage is full of pleasant surprises.

It's probably boring, just reading a recap of my day, but there you have it.

I should get going, since I have to be up early. Thanks for reading. Take care.

Day 123

I'm drawing a blank about today.

Nothing exciting happened, really.

I'm really looking forward to next weekend, when I get to see my family. That will be fun.

Yeah, sorry...I got nothing today. I'll do my best to make day 124 (Saturday) better.

I hope you're all doing well. Take care.

Day 122

I thought I'd get today finished early, which is a strange feeling. It's like I'm blogging twice in one day (technically I am, but the one I wrote late last night was for yesterday).

Anyway, today is sort of a milestone post. I'm 1/3 of the way through my year. Okay, maybe that's not much of a milestone.

The photo below is from our trip to Vegas this past February. We made a stop at my brother and sister-in-law's house to see them and their kids (and my parents were there as well). It was a short, but good time. It was there we found out that Jenn was expecting. Happy days, although Jenn was fairly ill for our Vegas trip (which is why we really didn't enjoy ourselves while we were there). The picture is of my brother and his oldest son. I was playing a game of battleship, when Juston came to see how his boy was doing.

Day 121

I've been thinking lately about how it's important to celebrate with others when exciting opportunities come their way, or when their life is going really well, or when great news comes, etc.

For some of us, the biggest challenge is when the very things we're celebrating with others about are the things we've dreamed of, wanted, hoped for. Whether it's love, a new pair of shoes, a career opportunity, a position of responsibility that we've desired, a first house, or a baby, when others get to experience that, it might be difficult for many of us to celebrate with them.

But it's so important. To celebrate with them, that is. It's important to be a positive part of that experience, rather than sucking the life and joy out of what should be a really exciting time. That's what I'm striving to do. I'm trying to celebrate with others, regardless of my life situation. I will rejoice with others when they get to experience something that I've desired.

Consider this - it's still going to happen whether you're jealous or happy. Think about what the better choice is. Is jealousy a good feeling? No, it's terrible. Nothing good comes from jealousy, except bitterness and rifts. Is celebrating and being happy a good feeling? Of course. I know you're not dumb. It was more of a rhetorical question, sorry. :)

I'm not saying it's easy. I am saying it's the better of the two choices.

Something to think about, anyway. I hope you can get something out of this. I know that some of you reading this are going through some really hard times. It's easier said than done to choose happiness and celebration with others over sadness, jealousy, bitterness, anger. I can never experience your pain or suffering. That's your own. I don't know what else to say about that, other than it must be difficult. Really difficult.

I'll be praying for you. I don't know everyone's story, but I will be praying that the story takes a turn for the better. More importantly, I'll be praying that somehow the story leads to peace, even in the hard times.

Thanks for stopping by and reading. Take care.

Day 120

I helped a friend make a picture this morning, which was a good time. Basically I was his assistant, which I enjoyed, because I watched and learned. It's good to get tips/pointers from someone more knowledgeable and experienced.


Nothing else significant to share tonight. You can visit my flickr account by clicking on any of the pictures to the right.

I have been thinking of putting a watermark on my pictures, so protect them from would be picture thieves. :) Really interesting, I know.

I'm gong to leave it at that. Sorry so boring tonight. As I've said before, I never promised interesting! :)

I hope everyone is doing okay. Life gets a bit unruly at times, but remember that you can handle anything for a while. If your life seems to be going well, great! Don't take it for granted! Celebrate. That's my advice for the day. :) I'll stop now.

Thanks again for reading. It means a lot that you stop here and take time out of your day to read my ramblings.

Take care.

Day 119

I did a baby photo shoot the other day. It was my first one, and it wasn't perfect by any means. The baby was adorable, and the parents looked great. It was my lack of experience if anything that gave me a challenge. That being said, I'm not upset about it at all, really. That's what it's all about - gaining experience, keeping the good stuff, dumping the bad. It was only a couple of minutes after the photo session while I was driving home when I thought of about 3 more poses that would have been great. When I get focused and nervous, I speed through, and start feeling like I'm imposing. Weird, I know. Oh well. It was a free session, and next time I'll have a few more ideas, and will try to slow down and get the better shot, instead of powering through and and missing some potentially good shots.

I'll leave you with my first edited photo of the baby. It's not pro grade, but hey, I'm not a pro. :)

I'm am a photographer, I am a photographer, I am a photographer. (A little positive self talk)

Day 118

It was a pretty good day today. Church, lunch with family, nap, supper with family, and now I'm baking bread into the night, just chatting with more family online. One of those overall good days. I like it.

The start of another week tomorrow. There's a bit of uncertainty over the next little while, and I will fill you in on that later. In the mean time, I'm making progress for the positive. My wife has been an incredible encouragement (and sometimes pushes just enough for me to take bigger steps...ones she knows I can handle). I love her, and appreciate her so much.

That's about it for today. I should go tend to the dough.

Thanks for reading. Take care.

Day 117 - My mother

Diana is my mother.

D - Dedicated mother
I - Incredibly loving of those dear to her
A - Always willing to talk
N - Near to my heart
A - Accepting of my life path

It has been a long time since I've done one of those. Takes me back to grade school.

Mothers have the hardest job on earth, in my opinion...starting from the conception of their first child. The worry, guilt, discomfort and pain that an expectant mother experiences is something I will never fully understand.

After the baby is born, they have to give up their bodies to the baby. Waking up hour after hour, feeding, changing, rocking, feeding, changing, rocking. It's endless.

From toddlerhood to the awkward 8 year old stage, kids are constantly sick. Most mothers are charged with the task of cleaning up puke, making sure a sleep walking child makes it back to their bed, bringing cool facecloths to a feverish little one, and a slew full of other dirty, stomach taxing things.  Not to mention dealing with the constant tantrums, arguing, disrespectful behaviour, etc. These things would test my patience in a minute.

The teenage years can be terrible to mothers. Making fun of them,  giving constant attitude, experimenting with different lifestyles, staying out late without calling, dating, anger, always doing the opposite, etc.

It goes on. Mothers aren't treated that well, if you think about it. Mothers have the hardest job in the world.

And then there's mothers day.

Don't get me wrong. I think mothers day is a great thing. It's a good day for appreciating mothers, calling mothers to tell them you love and appreciate them. I can imagine mothers loved being called on mothers day, being told nice things from their children, and maybe getting a card from time to time. I'm terrible at giving cards to people.

The thing I don't like about mothers day, is that it gives children an out. It's like they can dump their guilt about not appreciating their mother enough on that one day of the year. "If I call my mom on mothers day, send her a card, buy her a gift, it will make up for this past year of living my life in ignorance of how bloody hard she worked to raise me, love me (despite me being a jerk), keep my family together during the hard years, and a ton of other ulcer inducing tasks."

It just simply doesn't cut it, in my books. You need to call that woman on a regular basis throughout the year and tell her you love her. If I had to guess, that's what a mother wants...love from her children. A mother wants peace for her children. A mother wants happiness for her children. A mother wants to see her children and hear from her children from time to time. A mother wants love from her children.

I don't want to put more pressure on my mother, or on any other mother, to be something they aren't. I know that nobody is perfect. It's not fair to say that mothers are perfect, or that they do everything right, make all the right choices, etc. Nobody can be that person, and that's totally okay. All I'm saying is that my mother, and I'm sure yours too (I hope, although I also know that not everyone's experience of their mother is great), is one of the most caring, hard working, loving, special women I know.

I love you mom. I look up to you, respect you, cherish you, and appreciate you, everyday of the year. Not just mothers day. I know that mothers day this year will be difficult for you, as your mom is now gone, but if it's any consolation, you have us, your family. You are as special to me as your mother was to you. I will never take for granted your time here with us. I hope and pray for many many many more happy years to come.

I love you, mom.

Day 116

Jenn and I have been reading small excerpts from a book called Lament for a Son, by Nicholas Wolterstorff. It's basically words a man writes for and about his son, who died at the age of 25 in a mountain climbing accident. Even though Wolterstorff wrote the book for his son, he explains how its meaning and reach have gone beyond the loss of a son, to giving a voice to many kinds of loss.

There was one sentence that stuck out to me as I was reading tonight.

"I lament all that might have been, and now will never be."

That's how I feel at the moment.

Day 115

This morning I went on a photowalk with a friend who knows quite a bit more than me about photography, and especially artificial lighting. It was a good time, although I felt shy about taking pictures for some reason. I guess my self confidence isn't where I'd like it to be quite yet.

Had a decent afternoon. Jenn worked on an assignment (from her course in Toronto a while back), while I cleaned up. We went for a walk, then came back and had supper.

I had a moment of sadness this evening. There have been quite a few babies born in the last few months and weeks in our friends circles. We've enjoyed holding the babies. Tonight for some reason I found myself holding a teddy bear my mom-in-law gave us for our baby who was to be born in October. It is about the same size as a small new born. I sat there holding it, wishing it was a real baby. I though to myself that it doesn't matter how many babies I hold, it won't fill the hole in my heart, so to speak. I have to give the babies back, of course, and go home.

Day 114

Sorry, but nothing significant again tonight. Last night was so long and today so different that I'm left with nothing really significant to say at the moment. I guess the last 30 hours have thrown me off a bit. I hope to get back to normal tomorrow. Please bear with me!

I hope you're all doing great. Thanks for reading. Take care.

Day 113

Well, sorry this is so late. Some stuff happened and I havent been at home all night. I'm still not home, and it's 2:20 am. I might fill you in later, but I'm pretty tired now, and it's a bit annoying typing on this iPod touch. I just figured out the patient/visiter internet, so I'm thankful to get something typed.

Thanks for stopping by and reading. I've been richly encouraged by many of you recently, and it gives me some confidence. Thanks for that.

Take care!

Day 112 Part 2

Something happened the other day to me that I've been thinking a lot about.

I was in our car with my wife, stopped at a red light, when someone got out of their car and yelled at me for "almost hitting him", telling me to "watch where I was going", etc, etc. He walked away swearing, and that was it. Well, that was it from him. He's been stuck in my head since.

I'm 32, and I thought I was finished with bullying. The truth is, adult bullying happens all the time. It happens because I believe many many people never grow up in certain areas in their brain.

I was bullied in junior high school (grades seven to nine, maybe even some in grade 10, but it started slowing down at that time). I was new to town at the start of grade seven, and was excited to start new. The guys who bullied me started from my first day of grade seven and played a part in my misery till into grade 9. Thankfully I moved away for grade eleven, where I had much more success with friends and in my studies.

The guys who bullied me took something away from me. They took much of my happiness while in those years. They took away much of my self confidence. No, you don't just get over that. I still struggle with self confidence issues. I'm working on it now, finally.

When I experienced being bullied on the street, while sitting in the car with my wife, it shook me. I felt anger, confusion, and even hatred. It wasn't my best moment. It brought back feelings of powerlessness that I experienced in junior high.

Being bullied changes a person. I'm sure we all have been bullies from time to time, and have been bullied. Partaking in/experiencing either are hopefully memories we would love to forget.

I often wonder what I would do if I found out my child was a bully. I would probably weep. Just being honest.

I don't exactly know what I'm trying to say here. I think I'm trying to caution against bullying, whether it's adult or youth. Whether it's making others feel bad for their decisions, physical intimidation, mental intimidation, making others feel lower, or even thinking in your mind that you're higher than anyone (which can often bubble out in the form of certain behaviours toward the "other"...just a few forms of bullying among many many more, in my opinion.

Power is taken away, so fighting back is often difficult (or dangerous). People say to "brush it off", but it sticks like tar. Don't react, and they will stop. This is a joke. They will usually just try harder to get a reaction.

I'm changed because of bullying. Changed enough that the remnants of hurt still echo in my life today.

I go back to my day 107 post, and convince myself of those statements. I'm not responsible for others actions. I can (and did) handle anything for a while. This too shall pass (it did) and my life will get better (I wasn't bullied in grades 11-12). Etc etc. I'm in change of my own happiness. My self confidence will take some time.

Take from this what you will. A good laugh, or something to talk to your kid about, or for yourself.

Thanks for reading, again. Take care.

Day 112 Part 1

I am having trouble staying positive this morning, for whatever reason. All it takes some days is for one thing to happen (or not happen) and suddenly everything is pissing me off. I will tell myself that I'm not responsible for others actions/lack of action. Yes. That's what I'll tell myself.

Another dentist appointment this morning  (in about half an hour). Good times. I'm sort of getting tired of going, but I need it. My regular dentist isn't going to be there today, which kind of sucks, because I was just starting to trust him. Maybe I'll go for the laughing gas again today. Go to my happy place.

Election day. Need I say more? People just get sort of silly about it. One of the things I'm having trouble staying positive about. People are allowed to have an opinion. I just don't like it when that opinion isn't based on reality. Oh well, I'm done for now. Sorry about that.

I should get going. I'll probably post later today as well. Thanks very much for stopping by. Take care.

Day 111

I try not to get too political on this blog, and I hope to continue that trend for the most part. I feel the need to share a sentence or two about this new Bin Laden thing in the news, even if just to make myself feel better about it.

I'm a little disturbed by the whole thing. I'm disturbed how one man's death, almost a decade of warring, and many many innocent families killed makes people feel better about 9-11. It shouldn't. It's the completely wrong idea of justice. It's not justice. I don't think we have any idea what justice is.

That's just my opinion, mind you. Take it or leave it.

Well, I just ruined the fun, didn't I? Sorry. You're allowed to disagree with me if you want.

I guess I'll just leave it at that. Anything else would just seem awkward. I'll get back at you tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by. Take care.

Day 110

Over the past few weeks, since we found out about the death of our baby, I've started to see how deep the connection can be between the baby and mother. I have been sad, and continue to have waves of sadness, or grief, but my wife grieves on a different level, I think.

This morning Jenn shared with me a dream that she had last night (and said it was okay if I shared with you). She was at the doctor, and he/she told Jenn that they had been wrong, that the baby was indeed alive. Jenn was so so happy. It was one of those dreams that you wake up from thinking it's reality. She told me she woke up from the dream, and saw the curtains in our room, and realized that it wasn't true. Our baby is dead. I haven't really used that word. Dead. I've been using "didn't make it". Dead sounds too final for me. Anyway, it was ultimately a sad dream, because when her eyes opened her reality was an empty womb. Damn it.

Here's a band I was introduced to tonight.This particular song, Wooden Heart, spoke to me, and the more I listen, it speaks to me more. I might not be everyone's taste, but I love it. It's really about the lyrics. He delivers powerfully.

Let's wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief.