Day 291, 292

I really need to stop trying to blog late at night. It just doesn't work, especially when I had a short sleep the night before.

Yesterday was an okay day. I played my electric guitar for the first time in a while, and it was nice. I play an electric so seldom, that I'm not sure how to play it unlike an acoustic. They are much different to play, though. I consider myself very lucky to have two such beautiful guitars.

Today, again because of a short sleep last night,  I was super tired. I had a nap on the couch, but it was too long, so my morning wasted. I haven't done that in a long time. I had high hopes for today, but I won't beat myself up too much. I have to do an interview with a sexual health educator for one of my classes, this afternoon. The only think I'm worried about is the battery dying on my camera (I'm charging it now, but I'm not sure how long the charge holds). I think it takes any double a's though, so I might go pick up a small pack of those.


Anyway, tonight I think my wife and I will go on a little coffee date or something. With me working weekends and Jenn working during the week, we hardly spend a day together. We'll obviously spend time together, but not longer periods of time. We miss it. :)


I hope you're doing well these days. Take care.

Day 290

Day 290 in the books. It was a pretty good day overall. My boss asked me to come in early and work a full day. It was a great day, other than breaking the water jug lid. A mistake that could have been avoided, but it happened, and my boss showed a lot of patience and understanding. He said he was glad I didn't cut myself, and that it was bound to happen at some point anyway (as in, someone was going to break it eventually, not that I was going to).

I've been feeling pretty hungry here and there, especially between meals. I don't think I've been eating quite enough. I'll talk about it on my misterdiabetic vlogs, but I think I'm afraid of food at the moment. I'm afraid that food will hurt me, not help me. So, I eat fairly small portions, and have a vegetable/fruit snack here and there. For the most part, I've been good, but today, especially tonight, i was quite hungry. I made myself a good size veggie "stir fry" (without all the sauce...just used a tiny bit of olive oil and some franks redhot). I was told that I can eat veggies without any real concern of it having to watch carbs. Well, almost all veggies...I have to watch the starch, like potatoes, corn, etc. Anyway, this isn't exciting for you, I'm sure.

I should probably get to bed. 6:30 comes early, especially when it's 1:00 am already.

Take care, all. Love you!

Day 289

Wow, sleepy.

I find when I try to blog right after waking up from dozing off, my mind has so much trouble focusing on one thing. It's sort of a drunken feeling, if I guess what that feels like.

Enjoy your weekend, everyone.Enjoy the last couple of days will November starts. Love you all.

Day 288

Tomorrow (Friday) morning I have an appointment with the diabetes education centre. I'm not sure what they're going to tell me, other than general education on diabetes and diet tips and things of that nature. I'm looking forward to it, but I hope it's not a group meeting. It probably will be, but I hope not. I do better one on one with that sort of thing. I guess I'll see.

I also have to get up early tomorrow for a meeting, so I really should go to bed. 5:30am comes pretty quick. Take care!

PS, be looking forward to a new vlog/blog I plan on starting about weight loss and diabetes and health in general (including mental health). I'm not an expert at all, and that's the point. It's going to be about my journey toward health, away from bad habits and a lifestyle that has hurt me over the years. I don't know the exact format, or exactly what it'll look like, but I'm really looking forward to it. I really hope it'll be mostly videos via youtube.

Okay, for real this time, take care. Love you all.

Day 287

I keep in nodding off before I can think if anything to talk about. I hope you're all doing well. I'm sure I'll write noted tomorrow. Love you. Take care.

Day 286

I had a great dream the other night. I dreamt that we adopted a little girl of about three years old. We haven't been talking about adopting ourselves, but we had been talking  about adoption with friends of ours who are adopting for a second time. I think that's why the adoption thing. Anyway, back to my dream.
For some reason friends had this child with them, and she was either abandoned or her patents died,  I don't know. I fell in love with her. I mean, it was one of those dreams where you sort of can feel the emotion outside your dream in real life, but you are still sleeping. However you explain it, I felt love in mt dream. I asked her if she wanted to come home with us, and she did. The emotions were intense, and I felt love for that child. I was almost disappointed to wake up, until I realized I was laying next to my beautiful wife and had a baby on the way. I think the love I felt in my dream is the love I have for them. Just a thought. God keep this one healthy please.

Day 285

Well I'm thinking tonight about different personality types. My wife and I went to a marriage small group tonight. We will be going through four different personalities, and their needs, wants, behaviors, the way they love, the way they need to be loved, etc. It should be very interesting. I like discussing different personality types, with the understanding that rarely does anyone fit perfectly into one. Often, however, the descriptions are uncanny, and you can share a few inside jokes with a glance.
I think I'm going to bed now. Thanks for coming by to read. Love you all, take care.

Day 284

Tomorrow (Monday) morning I am getting more blood work done. I've been eating really well, I think...and I've been taking my medication, so I hope my sugar is much better this time.

I am not going to write much right now. I'm super sleepy tonight, and would like to make it to bed by 11pm. If I did, that would be a record. I just need to wait for some clothing to dry.

I know, how exciting is this post!

Day 283

It's not very busy at the moment. :) Still, it's a nice distraction from life. Don't worry, this probably won't be the only post today. Talk to you later!

Day 282

Okay, I had a thought just now, and I really hope I can stick to it. My issues, or problems aren't worth denying myself to others. Basically, I can't really be there for others the way I want to be if I'm focused on myself. That might be an obvious observation, but the idea just hit me a bit harder just now.

Anyway, I've been thinking about starting a blog about my "journey" toward being healthy. It would for sure be talking about my diabetes, but not necessarily in a "poor me" sort of way. I want to talk about diet, recipes, exercise, thoughts, weigh-ins/weight tracking, measurements, and maybe even the odd family appropriate photo...we'll see about that, though...I'm pretty shy, and I want you to be able to eat your supper after reading the blog. My hope is that it will be helpful to everyone, not just diabetics. Let me know what you think. Yay, or nay?

Okay, I need to keep studying. Love you all, and thanks so much for reading.

Day 281

Okay, I know that 280 thing was sort of unfair...but I never promised huge inspiring posts...thankfully. That being said, it was a little cheap of me, eh?

I'm feeling less sorry for myself today. From the moment my wife told me my health news, I knew that I would get over feeling sorry for myself...I just needed to go through a process. Feelings come and go/ go up and down pretty fast these days. Sometimes I just need to sit there and pout for 5 or 10 minutes, then I feel better. Today I feel my emotions are pretty level, and I am thinking through stuff in a more positive light. Sorry about my complaining over the last couple of posts, but that's what this is all about, after all. My blog will contain what I want it to contain. Okay, let's talk about something else.

I'm getting super excited for the next few weeks. My wife is nearing the end of the first trimester, and hopefully that will mean she'll start feeling a bit better and more energetic. I know it's not always like that, but I'm hopeful...and so is she. I'm also excited for her belly to start growing. We have reached consensus that she has a bit of a baby bump going on now, but I think she's afraid to say it, because some books say women usually don't start showing till a couple weeks from now. I think everyone is different. She hasn't gained much at all, yet her belly is shaped different than it was before. I say baby bump, and I'm sooooo excited by that. She's going to be an extremely cute pregnant woman. She already is. :)

One more thing that's exciting is that Jenn got in for an ultrasound right on the day she reaches 20 weeks. December 16th. We both want to find out the physical sex of the baby. I don't why, really...we just want to know.

Okay, I should keep on going with the homework. I hope you're doing well! Take care, love you all.

Day 280

280! Woo.

Day 279

I think I may have failed my first midterm (or assignment in general) since I started pursuing my social work degree. Failed, or got a bad grade. I studied, but it seems like I studied the wrong stuff. Well, I studied most of what our teacher told us to study, the specifics were all on the exam...stuff I didn't think mattered, instead of the understanding of ideas, concepts, words, etc. It wasn't worth a ton, so should still be able to recover some grades.


I continue to ponder what being diabetic means. I'm sad and angry about it, as i think I mentioned before, but I'm going to fight against being depressed about it.

I haven't had trouble watching what I eat, but it has only been a couple of days. The hardest part for me, I think, is going to be learning how to retrain myself in the emotional eating department. I am definitely an emotional eater. When I'm happy, I celebrate with food. When I'm sad or depressed, I eat food. When I'm angry, I eat. I know I've needed to work on that for a long time.


Thanks for reading again. Love you all.

Day 278

I'll just get down to it.

I'm not going to tell you what I'm about to tell you for sympathy points, or even to complain. I'm telling you because that's the point of this blog...to tell you about myself, keep you updated on what's going on, and to be transparent and as genuine as possible. Anyway, enough of that.

When I was struggling with the worst of my depression this last year, and was contemplating medication but wasn't sure, I had a few wise friends ask me "if you had diabetes, wouldn't you take medication to help you get better?" Of course, I said yes, and eventually decided it would be best for my mental health to take anti-depressants.

You probably know where this is going, but I'll continue anyway.

A few months ago, I made a decision to cut out (or dramatically reduce) sugary/calorie drinks like juices, sugary pops, etc. I held to it pretty well, and I was also making an effort not to eat as much (I still struggled with eating a bit in the evenings). Anyway, the weight started to come off...10 pounds, 20 pounds, etc. I'm not sure how much I weighed when i started drinking less calories, but I think it was around 290, maybe 285. Recently I weighed myself at 258. I was pumped, to be sure.

Go back a year-ish. My family doctor, wise as he is, gave me a blood work req because I was a new patient of his, and he wanted to see how I was doing. I put that damn thing off for a year. I had the blood work done this past Saturday morning, and a message was left on my answering machine Sunday afternoon, telling me that the results were consistent with diabetes. I got in to see my doctor on a cancellation appointment, and now I'm on medication for type 2 diabetes. I don't know if it's ironic, or just a "funny" coincidence, but there you have it.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad and angry about this. Unfortunately, this is the inciting incident that will force me to get my act together. If I don't act on this, my health deteriorates, and, well...you know. If I do act on it, exercise and eat well, find a good balance, etc., my life could potentially be better than before I had diabetes.

For those of you who aren't aware (I hardly am yet), type two diabetes is the type without insulin needles. It's definitely the lesser of the two, but will still require diligence, hard work, and the support of my wife to manage/control it.

Like I said, I'm not looking for empathy/sympathy. Although it is genetic, it's also a lifestyle thing. How could I expect to be as overweight as I am/was, and not run the risk of developing diabetes.

Funny thing is, that I thought I was slowly getting my weight down on my own terms...but it was my condition that was making me lose weight. I guess I was never able to do it on my own. That's one frustration I have.

I'll probably talk about this more, to work it through. I hope you don't mind. Thanks for your listening (reading) ear (eyes). Love you all. Take care.

Day 276 and 277

Well, yesterday was pretty decent, except for the jerks coming into work, but really that's not that bad. Okay, that's it for Saturday's information.

Yesterday (Sunday) morning was church as usual, and that went pretty good. I lead the worship music at church every so often, and it's something I really enjoy doing. Anyway, after church it was work, then after work it was supper at my in-laws house with a bunch of other people. That's Saturday and Sunday.

There, now I'm caught up. Sorry I've missed the last two days. I haven't given up, honestly. I hope that today I'll be back on track. Thanks for your patience! Take care.

Jason

Day 275

Tomorrow I have to get some blood work done. Actually, I was supposed to get this blood work done over a year ago, but I put it off ha ha. It wasn't an emergency...just to check the regular stuff like cholesterol, etc. Anyway, tomorrow morning (Saturday) is it. I'll just get it over with now, and hopefully won't have to get anymore needles for a while.

Things are going pretty good. Went to the Keg tonight for dinner with my wife and her parents. After that, we got cheese cake. Yum. It was my wife's favorite kind...toffee cheesecake.

I should get to bed. I might have a busy morning running around tomorrow, then I have to work the afternoon till 6. After that, we're having supper with my parents. It'll be a good day.

Take are, all. Love you!

I just needed to say it here too. We got to hear our babys heart beat today. My wife is talking to the midwife now. I'm a bit emotional at the moment, but in a good way.

Day 273

My first post written from my phone on a blogger application. Its very simple looking, but if it gets the job done, great.
This way, I can switch locations with out having to fully stop writing, our if I need to stop for a bit, and come back to writing later, that is fine. I can also write when inspiration strikes, instead of trying to remember and inevitably forgetting.
I'm sitting in the parking lot at Sobeys at the moment. I just got a few essentials.

Tomorrow (probably today when you read this) we're going to our midwife to hopefully hear our baby's heartbeat. I am really really l looking forward to that.

I should get going home. Thanks for reading again today. Love you, take care. If there are any words out of place, blame the new phone.

Day 272

Funny, I'm back in the same chair, writing the same paper. This time, however, the paper is due at 9am, so I have to finish it. My brain seems to be doing everything in it's power to avoid writing, even though I know I need to. I will finish it, but it's a painful process at times, especially when it comes down to the wire like this. I never have worked well when there was no pressure. I need to make that change, because it's not fun to only be able to work under pressure.

Anyway, after this paper is finished, it's on to going through another unit on my web class, then studying for a midterm quiz next week. I am not going to cram for that quiz, so the plan that I will follow is to study on Thursday, Friday, and Monday for sure. Maybe even the weekend after work.

Okay, I have a paper to finish. Thanks for stopping by. The comment board has been pretty quiet these days. I suppose there's just not much to comment on.

Here's a question for you: are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what/who?

Day 271

I'm on a chair in my living room trying to work on a paper. I've started taking notes from resources. I'm terrible at starting papers, and have a slight procrastination problem. I know, I've already mentioned that.

Considering that thanksgiving weekend has wrapped up, I thought I'd share a couple of things I'm thankful for. First, I'm thankful for my wife. I have probably mentioned it before, but it's a tragedy that most people don't get to see how funny she is, or experience how loving and understanding she is. She's pretty quiet around larger groups, and I consider myself extremely lucky to know her so well. My wife has shown me more understanding, patience and love than I deserve, and I can't imagine marrying anyone else. My prayer for her is that she would be able to find a close friend that would invest as much into her and she would into that friend. A non wishy-washy, steady friend. One that phones just to see how she's doing. One to go on women's night outs. One to pray with her/for her. I great friend, I guess is what I am trying to say. I guess lots of people don't really have that, but that's what I want for my wife.


The second thing I am thankful for is the fall. The weather, and the mood, I appreciate both. It's weird, but autumn brings somberness and introspection at times, and I like both. I could probably just drink coffee and stare out a window for hours, and get lost in my thoughts. There are dangers to this, however, and I must be careful. Autumn also brings cheer. When the weather cools, my mood immediately improves. I just don't like the heat, as all of you know. My wife and I went for a walk this morning, and the cooler air with the warm sun mix was close to perfect. That, and watching the trees hang on to their leaves has been nice as well. If you ever want to sit over coffee and co-introspect with me, just give me a shout/fire off an email/text.


I think I should leave it at that. Of course there are many more things I'm thankful for. I don't want to get too cocky. :) Seriously though, I love and appreciate you all. The idea that there are many people who come here day after day, or week after week, warms me. Your acceptance to my openness has been an encouragement to me in a big way. Thanks so much.


Take care.

Day 270

Aaaand I'm back! Ha, pathetic.

I shared in church today about the stuff I've been through in the past year. I felt like I was just repeating myself, because I've shared pretty much everything on this blog. Then again, I'd be arrogant to think that everyone reads this blog! :) Well, based on the stats, I know roughly how many hit I get per day, and it definitely isn't everyone.

________________
Ha ha, wow, I fell asleep again, and I'm just clicking on "publish" this morning. I have to get myself together!! I'll post earlier on 271, I promise!

Day 269

Did it AGAIN. This time I forgot I did it. I remembered that I was to tired to write anything, but then forgot that that happened. Anyway, sorry. I'll post this in lieu of yesterday's post.

Day 268

I'm making cinnamon buns tonight. I haven't done that in quite a while. I used to make them quite a bit in college when I had my own apartment, and have people over to eat them. Cinnamon buns, and regular buns. It was very relaxing for me, and a way to avoid homework. :)

I work this weekend again, of course, but I wish I had it off for thanksgiving weekend, and for homework. I have a paper due on Wednesday. Oh well...I'll make due.

Bla bla bla, boring again. If I just made the time, and posted photos and did some fun stuff, eh? I think I've said it before...I might be doing the bare minimum these days, just go get through. I think it'll get better soon...at least I hope it does, for your sake!

That's about it for now. I have to go put the cinnamon buns in the oven. Take care, all! Love you!

Day 267

Oops, I did it again, I fell asleep before I posted.

I got a new phone. I decided I would try android power this time. Don't get me wrong...I like apple, and iPhones are pretty sweet for what they do...I just wanted an android. I don't think any of you care, so I'll stop.

Oh, just one more thing...for those of you who are wondering, I got the Samsung Galaxy S2.

Okay, that's all I'll say about that for now. No wait, one more thing. Don't go thinking we spent unwisely just because of the fancy phone. We saved our pennies, literally. Also other spare coins, tip money, and a few dollars here and there over the last few months. I've been trying not to care what others think, but we definitely have been trying to be more financially responsible. That's a habit that you want others to have as well...financial responsibility. We have a ways to go, but it has definitely improved.

My parents are coming through this morning for breakfast before they continue through to Alberta. I wish I could go, but an assignment and work are holding me back. One of these Thanksgivings I'll make it out to my family.

I'll stop there. I'll post later, for the actual Friday Day 268 post. Thanks for reading! Take care.

Day 266

Ninety Eight days left after today's post. No, I'm not going to count down the entire time.

I've been obsessing over phones lately. It's sort of a personality thing, mixed with a falling into the consumer trap thing. I'm not too worried about spending too much though, as we've been saving up for new phones for a while now. I think I've decided which one I want, but I'm not sure about my wife yet. I'll let you know how the search goes.

I think that's really all the news I have for you tonight. I hope you're all doing great. Take care.

Day 265

This is it. It feels much more like the home stretch than it did half way through the year. Today there are only 100 posts left till the end of my year. After I finish this post, only double digits left. Strange.

Some people are really good bloggers. They can think of stuff to write, and think about. Some can make people laugh. Some can vent really well. Honestly, I'm not sure what I've done over the past 265 days on this thing. That's okay though. I'm fine with that. It is what it is. I think when it's over, I will blog with a more specific purpose, and probably not every day. Anyway, enough about that.


Spent a little time with some friends tonight. They have a really great 5 month old boy. It made me really look forward to having our own child. I probably don't need to say it, but losing our first has made me appreciate even more the idea of having a child. I value very much the life of that little baby, and I just want it to make it to term, happy and healthy.


We weren't able to hear the heart beat of our last baby. They had tried a few times over a couple of weeks, and finally decided to do an ultrasound, which is when they found out the baby had died. Hearing the heart beat of our new baby is extremely important to us. Our appointment is next Thursday. I'll keep you posted.


I think I'll leave it at that tonight. I know that baby stuff is sensitive to some, and others just find pregnancy/baby talk annoying. Okay, okay. I'll stop for now. Take care.

Day 264

I've been reading a book today that isn't easy to retain. Maybe it's just me, but I doubt it. Good ol' policy textbooks.

I don't know how people read fast. Is it something I'm doing wrong, or can only certain people read quickly and retain information? Is faster reading attainable, or am I screwed? I feel like I waste so much time. Buh.

That was my complaint of the day. It's really not so bad. I can think of many more things that are good than bad.

I'm going to sleep now. I will talk to you all tomorrow. Take care.

Day 263

We skipped church this morning. Not because we didn't want to go. We love going to church, hanging out with friends, hearing what our pastor has to say, etc. No, we didn't go because we just wanted to spend some time together, just to two of us. Ever since I started working weekends, we only see each other in the evenings, and Saturday and Sunday mornings, sort of. So, we spent the morning with each other. We did the same thing a few weeks ago. We'll probably do it again, as long as I'm working weekends. Anyway, vital information you need to know. :)

I'm going to bed. It's before midnight, so it'll be a record. Take care, all. Love you!

Day 262

It was an okay day. Work was good, and we went for supper at friends house.

I honestly don't know what to mention or talk about this time. I keep hoping that I'll be inspired and have lots of stuff to talk about. Nothing yet.

I hope you're all doing well. Take care.

Day 261

Oops, missed yesterdays. This is its replacement.

Hello. It's day 261. Nice to see you again. Day 262 will be my replacement, and I'll slip into obscurity.

Take care!