Lately (with the exception of this past week) I've been thinking a lot about self talk. This is how we talk to ourselves in our head or even out loud. I'll be honest with you, somewhere down the line I have developed terrible self talk. My first reaction is to be very hard and negative with myself. Statements like "You're an idiot, why do you always.....?", or "You should have things figured out by now, Jason", or, "You don't deserve...." are often floating around my head.
Confessing this to my counselor, he has given me homework that I'm pretty hesitant to do. I'm supposed to look at myself in the mirror, and talk to myself, acknowledging my value. Have you ever seen that SNL skit where that guy (think his name is Stuart) looks in the mirror and says, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me". Basically like that, but I hope to make it a bit less cheesy of an experience. In all seriousness, though, positive self talk is important, and I want to make it a goal of mine to be a positive self talker as a first reaction instead of a heavily negative self talker. So by practicing positive self talk, with time it should get easier, and eventually the default. I suppose we'll see how it works in time.
Anyway, how's your self talk? Do you beat yourself up over insignificant things? Do you talk yourself out of being successful at the things you do? Do you convince yourself that you're not good enough to be loved? All lies. All things I do, but all lies. How's your self talk?
6 comments:
Mine is pretty negative. The success of a photo made well or a meal well prepared may be the exception. However, I would definitely say most of the time it is more about focusing on addressing failures, inadequacies or keeping busy, physically and mentally to avoid those places that more often than not lead me to ask, "Why bother?"
I'd like it if those negatives drove me forward as they do in areas I can control such as photography or cooking. But they are almost always in places I cannot change so they send me into a pointless, fruitless game of Starcraft or other distraction because I am powerless to effect change so why bother? These impossible circumstances affect the things I enjoy, continue with photography & cooking for examples, so it leeches over into a mindset of why bother with them, either. If the big opportunity came in those areas, the chances are bad enough that the other obstacles out of my control will get in the way, so why prepare for that huge photo shoot if there is a big chance it will be a failure due to circumstances out of my control.
Not saying it's a healthy state in my mind, but it's the truth.
Love the new look, BTW.
Great post Jason. I am super negative both in my self talk and how I tend to put myself into circumstances where I fail, in my daydreams.
I've been thinking about the connection between my thoughts and how they not only affect my approach to life and others, but especially how my inner self affects my mood and my energy. I'd be pretty stressed and anxious if I was stuck in a room listening to a couple fighting, or hearing one person continually berate another person. Which is what I am essentially doing to myself on daily basis.
Good luck with your positive self-talk, I'm sure it will feel weird at first, I hope it gets easier with time
I think my self talk has gotten better over the years. I used to have pretty poor self esteem, but I think I have improved in that department, which helps me not put myself down so much.
I can see that the homework you received does seem like it could be awfully cheesy. But I think that practicing it will help it to come more naturally.
Since I started running, I have realized how much of the struggle is a mental one. It is easy to quit if you tell yourself you can't do it, you are too tired, too heavy, too out of shape. But if you talk to yourself about how you are good enough, fit enough, fast enough, etc. it is easier to push through those times that feel really tough.
I am thinking the same things apply in general life. It is easier to achieve your goals when you believe you can do it.
Thanks for your reactions everyone. It's nice to know that people contemplate what I yammer on about.
I think you're great Jason, so if you want, I can call you once a day, and in a low, slow, creepy voice, I'll say, "I like you Jason." If that doesn't help, I don't know what will!
But, in all seriousness, it can be hard to combat negative self-talk. We are pretty much always our own worst critics. What I'm slowly realizing is that the vast majority of the time, nobody else thinks we're as dumb, ugly, etc. as we think we are, we just convince ourselves of that, and it blinds us to the gifts and abilities we've been given.
Thanks a lot, Tim! You're not so bad yourself. :) Also, good to hear from you!
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