Long Day

Let me start by stating that I know these photographs aren't great. It's not the point this time.

Today was a hard day. We had my grandma's funeral. One of the hardest things to see was how sad and heartbroken my grandpa is. Although he was sad, there was a quiet strength about him, dressed in black, with red to honor his wife, whose favorite colour was red. There is a weight on his shoulders now, of looming loneliness. I know he can do it. While is in deep mourning, he is also strong. We are all his legacy, and we are with him.

I included the bottom picture because I see lots just looking at those shoulders. I see a tired man, shoulders slightly slouched. I also see strength. I see strength of a man who has farmed for decades, who helped raise 4 children, who has lived through a 57 year marriage, who has loved and lost more deeply than most will get to experience. I see the shoulders of a man who will learn to survive on his own, regardless of how lonely he may feel at times. I like my grandpa's shoulders. I hope I have half the shoulders he has some day.

Christmas

Christmas has lost its 'Merry' this year.

Love you and miss you, grandma.

I got a call on Thursday morning from my dad, telling me through shaky voice that grandma had died. We knew that her time was limited, but weren't expecting her time to come so soon. I guess essentially her kidneys shut down.

I drove home that night with Jenn. As expected, it was miserable there. Grandpa is lost right now. When Jenn hugged him, all he said was "I lost my wife". I cannot imagine the heart break of being with someone through the thick and thin for 57 years, then her being gone. He's lost. My mother and her sisters and brother are lost right now as well. My mother talked to her mother almost every day of the week, for at least a few minutes. All she wanted was to hear her voice again. That's all she wants right now. I think that's all anyone wants right now. Such is the vicious nature of death, and wanting what we can't have. It tears at the heart, brings up feelings of guilt, panic, confusion, anger, denial, and more guilt.

My grandma was only 76. She was a week and a bit short of her 77th birthday. Her birthday is on Christmas day. That day will seem a bit less bright now. I'll look to God for comfort, as I hope others will. God, in time will help make our wounds less painful. I hope Grandpa and his three daughters and son find comfort in God during this quiet and sad time.

I love you and miss you, Grandma.

Jason

Having fun

Above are a couple photos from two different quick sessions I did over the past few weeks. The top is a group of guys from the city who partook in Movember. The bottom is a friend who needed a photo for the website of her shared business. I'm really excited about learning more and improving at my skill behind a camera. Have I mentioned this before? If so, it's because I'm excited. Obviously I need to learn a LOT, and it will take time, but that's perfectly okay. Enjoy.

I can never think of titles.

There are less than two weeks till I'm finished school. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do for work, or where my life with Jenn will head. I am excited for opportunities to open up. I'm excited to get away on a holiday with Jenn. I'm excited to expand my knowledge and hone my ability and talent behind a camera. I'm excited for many things.

I'll most likely keep you posted on how things go, along with photos and other thoughts. Take care.

Aaron

So I've been reading about this thing called Bokeh, which I think is the blurred background behind the subject (maybe it doesn't have to be behind the subject...maybe it can BE the subject, but ANYways...). I've been considering that as I take pictures, and so far I've found out that small lights (such as Christmas lighting, etc) make good background for photos. This picture was taken after church the other week, of my friend Aaron, who was putting stuff away after he had lead music.

Winston

This is my parents new puppy, Winston. He's a cute little Schnauzer. We went and had a quick visit with my parents and family to see my grandma in the hospital, and this was one of the highlights. Jenn had a few naps with him...he's a cuddly little guy. The colour temp and white balance of the photo is a bit off yet, but I took some of the orangey/yellow out with the bad editing program I have. I haven't been shooting in Raw format yet. I'll start doing that after the semester is over, when I have some time. Enjoy Winston!

Grandma

My grandma is dying. We don't know when it will happen, or how, exactly, but her body has started its process. Grandma is in the hospital right now, with her kids and husband by her side.

I haven't experienced a close death in the family in quite some time. Death is such a strange concept. As a person that spends most of his time in a Christian community, I have too much discussion about not being afraid of death...about being excited to meet Jesus...all that. Regardless, I am starting to view death as a disconcerting unknown. I'm not sure if it's a fear, or a somber respect - all I know is that I don't get campy about it. People die. In the process, they are terrified; They get their stuff together if they are lucky enough to have the time; They fight and cry with their loved ones (if they are lucky enough to have loved ones); They despair; They wonder about eternity.

A couple of pictures...

My in-law family went out for supper last night and had a good meal to celebrate my father-in-law's birthday. It was good to get my mind off of everything that has been going on. I took a few pictures, but these two are two of my favorite. I'm enjoying my camera's ability to take low light pictures. I'm not the best at it yet, but I will get there.

October...things have changed.

Well, lot has happened (at least in my mind) since the last time I posted. To make a long story short, I've decided to take next semester off. The reasons are numerous, but if I had to give you one simple explanation, it would be because I don't think I'm going the right way. I am taking the next semester at least to work and figure it out and to go on a holiday with my beautiful wife, among other things.

On another note, I've recently got back into photography. Well, I've never completely left, but I got a dslr...a great one. I'm really excited, and it is one of my dreams to be able to take pictures for a job. That is one of the big things I'll be doing over the next while...learning my camera, photography techniques, taking tons of pictures, etc. I want to get to the point where I feel comfortable taking basic pictures for engagement, family portraits, and even weddings for people who can't afford a profession/experienced photographer. Anyway, I ramble. I'll be posting photos from time to time, as I know this is basically a safe place as nobody reads my blog. :)

September :)

Well, the past couple of weeks have been a dismal failure in the world of exercise, so I won't get into that. Who said this was a blog about exercise only anyway? Not me.

I started school last week. It was an interesting feeling, considering I didn't really do anything all summer. Suddenly, I have a lot to do. It'll be an adjustment, to say the least. Slam - welcome back to reality, Jason.

Last night I think I had my first real doubts about school and my choice of social work as a profession. I don't think my doubts were based in the realm of logical thought...just fears of self doubt cropping up on a Sunday night. What is with Sunday nights?

I think a lot of my doubts or fears have to do with my faith background and how unfriendly the social work program seems to be toward religion - especially Christianity. Sometimes it's warranted, sometimes it's just lazy thinking/point of view. Maybe I digress.

I'll most likely get past this bump. It is only my second week of classes. Someone told me the other day that the program doesn't necessary represent real life. Even though that seems obvious, I forget that sometimes. I am learning a point of view that is very far on one end of the ideals spectrum. Do I have to think like this? Well, I think they would want me too, but in reality, no, I don't. Will I keep open minded? Of course, where it doesn't compromise my relationship with God.

Bump

The other day (I think thursday), near the end of my 4th week of the 6 week challenge I realized something...I think I'm hurting myself. My lung capacity has gotten better, and I feel like I could run farther, but my foot/ankle has been getting more and more painful. I don't think I'm going to continue to run for now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do as a replacement, but I want to do something. A friend suggested training in a pool, so I might give that a try. Other than that, maybe a bike or something.

Feels like a bit of a failure, to be honest. I guess if I keep going it'll be ok, even though I'm not running. Any exercise is better than none.

Chubby face magee.

Today was my day off of running. I would normally get two days off in a row (Saturday and Sunday), but we missed a day during the week and had to make it up.

I'm beginning to admit (at least in my head) that it's going to take more than running to get healthier and to lose weight. I haven't been eating terribly, but the last couple of days I have been. I haven't felt like I have lost any weight, nor have I felt any healthier.

It doesn't help that I shaved off my goatee, which makes my face look much, much fatter.

Maybe my fat face will motivate me?

Here's hoping.

I think this is going to hurt for a while

We're (my wife and me) are on week three of our 6 week challenge of running 5 times per week. We upped the running portion for week 2, but kept it the same for week 3. I'm not really bothered by this, because at least we're running.

I think i can tell my lungs are getting used to some cardio. There are a couple key parts of my body, however, that still get quite angry with me. My lower back, and my left ankle, to be exact. My lower back because I'm a big man, and my left ankle for the same, I think. The doc told me a while back that I had tendinitis in my left ankle, and when it acts up, it sort of sucks. Anyway, I'm not really complaining...I think it'll all get better as I get stronger and lighter...which won't be for a while yet. I'm hoping not, but am pretty sure that this is going to hurt for quite a while. Well, as they say, if there is no pain, there is no gain.

So, that's my update. Next week I hope to up my running time to a minute, but I don't want to hurt my ankle or back to the point I can't run. I was telling Jenn the other day that if it weren't for those two things, I could run for longer. Eventually!

Week 2 - Hot Day, grumpy man

Today was a fairly busy day. We moved out of the house we were house sitting and into my in-laws house for a little while. My family is coming to the city/area for an anniversary celebration and my brother and sister-in-law are staying at my in-laws with my wife and me.

Today was pretty hot, and I don't really deal well with heat. By late afternoon I was already starting to feel the effects of the heat on my body, and worse yet, my mental state/emotions. I was ok during supper, but could feel my body getting warmer and warmer. We had yet to go for a run, and couldn't skip another day (we missed yesterday, but are going on Saturday to make up for it). We're also doing a 6 week challenge where we run a certain amount of times per week for 6 weeks. Anyway, I was basically feeling pissed off, and I'm still feeling the left overs of that...I ran, and it sucked, and I didn't feel like talking, or taking encouragement from Jenn, or anything at all really. It was one of those moods. I hate it. When I get overheated to that point it sucks. I've dealt with it on and off for years now...I've never been a hot weather kind of person. I guess I should be thankful we have a short summer? The run is done for the day, and tomorrow is a new day, thankfully. My body hates running. My knee hurts a bit and my ankle started shooting pain if I stepped on it wrong...all signs of obesity. This is one of the many reasons I'm doing this. Healthier body, more energy, possibly a longer life, I'll be able to enjoy my kids and wife (when I have kids), less aches and pains, hopefully better handling of the heat, etc. Anyway, my wife is trying to sleep and I'm clacking away. Good night all.

Running #2

I went for my first walk/jog today. When I bought my shoes and shorts and socks (I needed motivation to start, so I bought some shorts and socks for running), the man at Brainsport (Broadway in Saskatoon) was very encouraging. He told me to start slowly by jogging very slowly for 30 seconds, then walking for 2 minutes, and to do that 6 or 7 times. That's what I did. It only took me just over 17 minutes, but that's what the guy said to do. It hurt a bit here and there, but overall, it was a good experience. I really hope this is the turn of a new leaf in my life, and I don't give up down the road. I need a lot of discipline to get up and get out.

This is for my wife, and for the kids I hope to have and watch grow up. This is also because my body is a temple, and I want to treat it like that. Wish me luck!

Running

I admire those who can run. Witnessing run143 last week spurred me on to treat my body better. While I realize that the purpose of Run143 wasn't to inspire people to get healthy, rather to raise awareness about the orphan problem across the world, I was still amazed at the runners for being able to do something like that.

I don't think running the entire run143 ultra marathon will be doable for me next year, but that doesn't mean the year after or the year after that won't be doable. Instead, I will start with a humble goal of being able to run a 5k without stopping. My goal is to be able to do it by next spring/summer. I know nobody reads this, but it feels like accountability anyway.

Just to be honest, about a month and a half ago the doctor put me on blood pressure pills. It was a blow to my ego. My dad is taking blood pressure medication. I thought that was an older person thing. I'm overweight, and I get scared that this is the start of worse things. 30 is when aging really starts, and it's time to fight that a bit. I don't mind aging, but I want to do it in a healthy way.

I don't know where to start, other than walking and eating less. I'll let you know how it goes.

A day in the life of...

I realize fully the immaturity of posting a video of this nature, but when I saw this happening, I had to share it with the world. Consider yourself cultured.

I told my brother that I was going to name this "A day in the life of my brother", but nobody reads this anyway, so there's nobody to laugh at that. At least my job of sharing it with the internet is fulfilled.

Run 143 (www.run143.com)

This week is a special one. Three of my friends are running from Regina to Saskatoon in order to raise awareness and money for adoption and the global orphan problem. There are an estimated 143 plus million orphans in the world. This is an incredibly high number. My friends Riley and Candra have recently adopted a baby boy from South Africa. The cost of international adoption is very high. This run is to raise money for them, with a portion of the money raised going to the Saskatchewan adoption agency, as well as the baby home in South Africa where Jude (Riley and Candra's new adopted son) came from. It's an exciting time.

These pictures are from day one. They are now finished day 2. The top picture is the very beginning of the run. They were feeling good, and had good spirits.

The picture of the two guys in bike jackets are friends of ours (Jeremy and John - brothers). They biked out from Regina to say hi. It was great to see them.





This picture is of Kate, the support car person. Kate is Ryan's (one of the runners) wife. She is extremely organized, prepared, and an overall get it done person. I wish I could be more like her.










Riley's feet after the run. That's not a tan line, it's a dirt line. The semi's and other vehicles driving by and the constant wind and dust made them quite dirty.










These three are my collective hero. Warriors, all three. They have 4 more days to go. It's going to be terribly hard on their bodies, but it's for a very worthy cause.

Jenn's first day!

Well, I know this seems super lame, but I took pictures of Jenn on her first day at her new job. She doesn't know I'm posting on it, but I just wanted some weird public way to say how proud I am of her. This job was definitely a leap of faith, and it is taking trust in God, because she will lose her SUN union hours (as this job is in another union). There aren't many nursing positions at all in this new union, so if she ever wants to go back to SUN, it may be difficult to land a position she wants/likes.

I'm thankful for Jenn, because she's been so willing to work while I go to school. Some days I feel very helpless. I know there will be days ahead when she comes home from work and people have given her a lot of trouble, and then I know there will be days when she comes home excited. My prayer for her is that the good days will far exceed the bad ones. My prayer for her is that this would be a job she loves, and can see herself at long term.

Thanks Jenn, my sweet heart. You're all my blessings at once. I love you, and I'm thankful for all you do for us.

Visitor

Jenn's grandma came over for supper tonight. Jenn works most days till 4:30, so supper was up to me. It turned out ok, but that is not the point of this post.

Grandma Marie is an amazing woman. She is British. She was a teenager through WWII in the U.K. As a 17 year old, she enlisted in the Women's Land Army. This involved a lot of farm work. Immediately after the war, she was married to Fred, and moved to Edmonton, where she lived from 1947 till only a few years ago. Almost all of those years were in the same house. Fred died a few years ago, and that's why she moved out to Saskatoon. Her youngest son, and my father-in-law, brought her out to Saskatchewan to help take care of her (he has also brought out Grandma's sister-in-law to take care of her as well...he is another story of an amazing person).

Grandma can tell stories about her youth like they were actually yesterday. In fact, she can recall her youth better than I can recall yesterday. There could be a couple of explanations for this: 1) Grandma's life in her youth was very eventful (war time, etc), thus making it easier to remember, 2) she has a great memory, 3)my life is pathetic and not worth remembering and that is why I can't remember yesterday.

Makes me wonder if I'm wasting my life away. Obviously the major event in Grandma's life was unwanted (the war), and I'm sure she would be perfectly to have lived a quiet life in the U.K. But the war did come, and it brought a young Canadian soldier to the island, who fell in love with a young little British lady, and they would have three boys, the youngest of which would marry and have a daughter who would in turn marry - me. Woot.

This post doesn't really have a linear path. I just want to pay respect to grandma, who is a great story teller, and a walking history book. We should all take some time to ask questions and listen to our elders.