Day 107 - Encouragement is here now

I'm feeling encouraged this afternoon. I'm excited to make some positive changes.

As I mentioned in day 106, I saw my counselor yesterday and we talked more about positive self talk and re-framing thoughts. I was reading an article he gave me (Rational Thinking, Self Talk, Thought Stopping, and Reframing, from Skill Building Resources for Increasing Social Competency. <--that's all the info I have...sorry APA snobs out there) that talked about how people often look outside themselves for the source of unhappiness or any other type of emotional distress. People get the idea that the stuff happening around them is what causes them to feel the way they do.

...

Doesn't it?

Not according to what I read. If it's true, it is our interpretation of the experience that leads to our emotional response. So, the interpretation in my case, is a negative one. Negative self talk, or a negative spin on an experience.

"...what a person thinks about a situation is likely the greatest factor influencing how they feel and respond" (from the article mentioned above).

There are many reasons we could become this way (first reaction negative). Whatever the reason may be, we take the automatic route - externalizing or blaming the way we feel and our responses to an outside source that's beyond our control instead of owning up, or taking responsibility of our feelings and actions. I'm borderline plagiarizing here, just so you know...from the same article).

"When you take responsibility for your reactions you begin to take charge and have mastery over your life. Once you become aware of the distortions in your thinking you will be able to change negative thoughts to positive ones" (same article as mentioned above).

It's the positive self talk that helps with this. For me, looking into the mirror and saying what I need to say. Also, in my stressful situations, or situations that being about my negative interpretations of the event, re-framing my thoughts in a positive light. I want to share some realistic self thoughts, again from the same article.

"I am a worthy and good person"

"I am not helpless. I can and will take the steps needed to get through this crisis."

"This is an opportunity, instead of a threat. I will use this experience to learn something new, to change my direction, or to try a new approach."

"One step at a time."

"I know I will be okay no matter what happens."

"He/she is responsible for their reaction to me."

"I don't really need to prove myself in this situation."

"I can stand anything for a while."

"Is this really important enough to become upset about?" (good one for when I drive in the city)

"Other people's opinions are just their opinions."

"I cannot control the behaviours of others, I can only control my own behaviours."

"I will respond appropriately, and not be reactive." (this is a hard one...what's appropriate and what's reactive?)

"I feel better when I don't make assumptions about the thoughts or behaviours of others."

"I will enjoy myself, even when life is hard."

"My past does not control my future."

"I choose to be a happy person." (another very difficult one, especially for depressed people - when you're in the thickness of depression, a weird thing happens...it's like you don't want to try to be happy)

"There is less stress in being optimistic and choosing to be in control."

Those aren't all of them, but some of the ones that stuck out to me. Yes, it does feel hokey at first to talk out loud positive statements to myself...but as I mentioned yesterday, why isn't it hokey when we speak negatively to ourselves?


So, I'm encouraged this afternoon. When I wrote the first sentence of this post, I wrote after it, "I know this feeling won't last forever. I know when I get into the thick of things it will be difficult and frustrating." I erased it, because that's a negative thought. I want to enjoy feeling encouraged, and whatever happens later I'll deal with it later. Right now, I want to enjoy excitement about the future. So, I will. Do you want to join me?

Day 97

Lately (with the exception of this past week) I've been thinking a lot about self talk. This is how we talk to ourselves in our head or even out loud. I'll be honest with you, somewhere down the line I have developed terrible self talk. My first reaction is to be very hard and negative with myself. Statements like "You're an idiot, why do you always.....?", or "You should have things figured out by now, Jason", or, "You don't deserve...." are often floating around my head.

Confessing this to my counselor, he has given me homework that I'm pretty hesitant to do. I'm supposed to look at myself in the mirror, and talk to myself, acknowledging my value. Have you ever seen that SNL skit where that guy (think his name is Stuart) looks in the mirror and says, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me". Basically like that, but I hope to make it a bit less cheesy of an experience. In all seriousness, though, positive self talk is important, and I want to make it a goal of mine to be a positive self talker as a first reaction instead of a heavily negative self talker. So by practicing positive self talk, with time it should get easier, and eventually the default. I suppose we'll see how it works in time.

Anyway, how's your self talk? Do you beat yourself up over insignificant things? Do you talk yourself out of being successful at the things you do? Do you convince yourself that you're not good enough to be loved? All lies. All things I do, but all lies. How's your self talk?