Day 286

I had a great dream the other night. I dreamt that we adopted a little girl of about three years old. We haven't been talking about adopting ourselves, but we had been talking  about adoption with friends of ours who are adopting for a second time. I think that's why the adoption thing. Anyway, back to my dream.
For some reason friends had this child with them, and she was either abandoned or her patents died,  I don't know. I fell in love with her. I mean, it was one of those dreams where you sort of can feel the emotion outside your dream in real life, but you are still sleeping. However you explain it, I felt love in mt dream. I asked her if she wanted to come home with us, and she did. The emotions were intense, and I felt love for that child. I was almost disappointed to wake up, until I realized I was laying next to my beautiful wife and had a baby on the way. I think the love I felt in my dream is the love I have for them. Just a thought. God keep this one healthy please.

Day 110

Over the past few weeks, since we found out about the death of our baby, I've started to see how deep the connection can be between the baby and mother. I have been sad, and continue to have waves of sadness, or grief, but my wife grieves on a different level, I think.

This morning Jenn shared with me a dream that she had last night (and said it was okay if I shared with you). She was at the doctor, and he/she told Jenn that they had been wrong, that the baby was indeed alive. Jenn was so so happy. It was one of those dreams that you wake up from thinking it's reality. She told me she woke up from the dream, and saw the curtains in our room, and realized that it wasn't true. Our baby is dead. I haven't really used that word. Dead. I've been using "didn't make it". Dead sounds too final for me. Anyway, it was ultimately a sad dream, because when her eyes opened her reality was an empty womb. Damn it.

Here's a band I was introduced to tonight.This particular song, Wooden Heart, spoke to me, and the more I listen, it speaks to me more. I might not be everyone's taste, but I love it. It's really about the lyrics. He delivers powerfully.

Let's wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief.