Something happened the other day to me that I've been thinking a lot about.
I was in our car with my wife, stopped at a red light, when someone got out of their car and yelled at me for "almost hitting him", telling me to "watch where I was going", etc, etc. He walked away swearing, and that was it. Well, that was it from him. He's been stuck in my head since.
I'm 32, and I thought I was finished with bullying. The truth is, adult bullying happens all the time. It happens because I believe many many people never grow up in certain areas in their brain.
I was bullied in junior high school (grades seven to nine, maybe even some in grade 10, but it started slowing down at that time). I was new to town at the start of grade seven, and was excited to start new. The guys who bullied me started from my first day of grade seven and played a part in my misery till into grade 9. Thankfully I moved away for grade eleven, where I had much more success with friends and in my studies.
The guys who bullied me took something away from me. They took much of my happiness while in those years. They took away much of my self confidence. No, you don't just get over that. I still struggle with self confidence issues. I'm working on it now, finally.
When I experienced being bullied on the street, while sitting in the car with my wife, it shook me. I felt anger, confusion, and even hatred. It wasn't my best moment. It brought back feelings of powerlessness that I experienced in junior high.
Being bullied changes a person. I'm sure we all have been bullies from time to time, and have been bullied. Partaking in/experiencing either are hopefully memories we would love to forget.
I often wonder what I would do if I found out my child was a bully. I would probably weep. Just being honest.
I don't exactly know what I'm trying to say here. I think I'm trying to caution against bullying, whether it's adult or youth. Whether it's making others feel bad for their decisions, physical intimidation, mental intimidation, making others feel lower, or even thinking in your mind that you're higher than anyone (which can often bubble out in the form of certain behaviours toward the "other"...just a few forms of bullying among many many more, in my opinion.
Power is taken away, so fighting back is often difficult (or dangerous). People say to "brush it off", but it sticks like tar. Don't react, and they will stop. This is a joke. They will usually just try harder to get a reaction.
I'm changed because of bullying. Changed enough that the remnants of hurt still echo in my life today.
I go back to my day 107 post, and convince myself of those statements. I'm not responsible for others actions. I can (and did) handle anything for a while. This too shall pass (it did) and my life will get better (I wasn't bullied in grades 11-12). Etc etc. I'm in change of my own happiness. My self confidence will take some time.
Take from this what you will. A good laugh, or something to talk to your kid about, or for yourself.
Thanks for reading, again. Take care.
4 comments:
It's kind of funny you should mention this today. This morning started out kind of rough, I put sour milk in my cereal(not knowing this until I took the first bite) and then after I dropped the kids off @ school I almost got into a collision with an oversized SUV because the other driver was too busy talking on his Cell, and too be honest I felt like getting out of my car and yelling at him, but cooler heads prevailed and I just kept on driving. I figured it was just going to be "one of those days" and surely enough, it was. Afterwards when I was picking the kids up after school a similar situation occured, but this time I was at fault and I was honked at and given an obscene gesture as the other driver passed by me. She was probably feeling the same thing about me as I felt towards the other driver who nearly collided with me...which opened my eyes quite a bit. Sometimes it's hard not to automatically react to situations like that, but , like you it is something I am working on.
Anyway...good post once again...hopefully this makes sense and I didn't bore you with this long comment.
Are you sure we only share the same first name? Your past is a reflection of mine. It amazes me how often Angie & I discuss the misery of our jr high to grade 12 years.
It took the sympathy caused by a broken neck to stop the bullying in my life... Sad that it exists at any age.
This is an excellent post.
I also moved to a new school around the same time(grade 8). I was bullied from day 1. I had never experienced bullying before then. It was horrible. There was one boy that was constantly yelling names at me in the hallway or writing names on my locker. I hated going to school.
Luckily for me our family moved again before my grade 10 year and I had no problems during high school.
I'm 26 now and it's sad how 2 years of your junior high life can stick with you.
On another note, I have worked in a customer service job for 10 years now. It never ceases to amaze me how adults can behave in my store towards myself and my co-workers. We've been called names and just overall been treated like scum of the earth by other adults.
I've never really thought of it as 'adult bullying' until I read this post. But yeah I guess it really is. And I can think of so many other circumstances (non-work related) that I have seen this happen. It's actually really sad.
Even as we get older, it's still hard to deal with these situations and still don't really know what to do or how to react during them.
I try to live by the 'golden rule' and I guess you just can't expect everyone else to.
Very well written post!
As Jay alluded to in his comment, I was also bullied....mainly in grade 7 and 8 but a little bit in high school as well. It has taken me a long time to rebuild some sense of self worth and confidence. I still have some room to grow in those areas, but I have definitely come a long way since then. It really is amazing how those things stick with you, even 15 or 20 years later.
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