I was sitting at a dinner table this evening after getting back from seeing family, and some of the people around the table were talking about a person they knew (who I didn't know) in a negative way. They were talking about specific traits and made some jokes about it. A couple of others joined in with their opinion, while I sat there in disbelief. I thought it was obvious, but I share these traits with the person they were talking about. It was insulting and hurtful. I felt gross, or lesser.
I immediately wondered if I've ever been guilty of doing this. I hope not. It reminded me that I need to be careful with my words. It also reminded me that I shouldn't talk about others negatively. It doesn't do anyone any favours. Avoiding that is way easier said than done.
I know that they weren't directing their comments at me, but they might have well been. I also can't expect people to be sensitive. People say mean things, while they think they're being funny. I'm pretty sure I've said some stupid things in the name of humour before. They are probably completely clueless, while I sit here with my self esteem knocked a few levels down. I'll get over it. People aren't perfect, and I need to give others the benefit of the doubt.
Now that you've read this, however, may it be a reminder to be careful with your words about others.
As for me, I'll be fine. I'm not posting this to garner pity from you. I just want to share an experience. Has this ever happened to you? Did my explanation of it even make sense?
Thanks again so much for reading. Take care.
7 comments:
Well you are right about people being mean sometimes when they think they are being funny. And I agree that sometimes people say stuff and you just stare at them and wonder what they really think about you because you believe what they are saying about that other person is somthing you think they may actually think about you. I have a friend who made comments about someone being fat and lazy and it was made in such a way that you would take it to mean that if you are overweight then obviously that would mean that you are lazy too. So I wondered if they thought that of me but in a later dicussion I was told that they didn't think that of me because they like me. So what I am getting at is that as humans we are imperfect and strange and have odd double standards. Things that bother you about one person don't even phase you in someone you like. Is it right? I would guess not but it seems to be the way it is. So what I am getting at in all this rambling is that whoever you are talking about may not think those things of you even though you may think them of yourself and just because you think you yourself may have those traits or bad points does not always mean you have them. Did that make any sense at all? I hope it made some sense to you :)
I agree with you to a point. I agree that people make mistakes/aren't perfect, as I mentioned in the post. I agree that my insecurity about the topic definitely makes me more sensitive (but that's the point I suppose...if I wasn't insecure about it, it wouldn't be an issue). To make things a little less convoluted, the trait being talked about was the weight and shape of a particular person. While I know they weren't talking about me, when you talk about one person's weight and shape in a hurtful way, you're talk about all people who struggle with weight in that same way. You can't pick and choose which fat people you like and don't like. If a person makes fun of one fat in front of me, they also make fun of me.
Also, as an aside, the person these people were making fun of, is apparently a friend of theirs whom they like.
I hope that clears it up a bit. I was a bit confusing not mentioning the actual issue. Thanks for commenting, "thoughts from me".
Also, sorry, but I tried to see if you had a blog, or if there was a name on your profile, but I couldn't find it.Hint? Or would you like to remain anon?
Sorry Jason I thought you knew it was me - Amy :) Love ya and see you guys soon!
Ah! Awesome! Well, thanks for commenting from time to time. I enjoy it when people comment! Thanks! I'm so excited to see you guys.
Well, re-reading this post in relation to day 107, makes me glad I'm coming to new realizations.
Your post from day 107 is a really good one. I have some thoughts and opinions on some of the things I read I just don't really know how to put them into words so maybe I will just discuss it with you when we are down :)
We will definitely talk!
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